First Contact...

I haven't touched upon Rocky's birth family in awhile because there is really nothing to talk about. Alex however asked in a comment if I would touch on how much contact we've had since finalization.

The answer is complicated...

We last physically saw them on October 31st. We met with them at their request for trick or treating at the local mall (local to them not us). At the end of the evening I offered up that we were off on Thanksigiving weekend and perhaps that would be a good time to get together again.

On the 1st of November Barney had to drive to their home to have them sign the paper work stating that they knew they could make a request for an open adoption prior to the finalization and that they were aware that their parental rights would be terminated mid-November. They signed both without pause and made no additional requests to change our closed adoption to an open one-though closed the adoption isn't sealed shut either, it's more a "lets see how it ebbs and flows"

On the 10th of November I called to wish "M" a happy birthday and at that time she couldn't rush me off the phone quickly enough. She promised to call after 7:30 that evening but didn't. That was over 2 months ago and I haven't heard from her since. Despite this I did send photographs following his 2 month doctors appointment along with an update on weight, length, and weight and reaffirmed that my phone number hadn't changed and she was welcome to call at her leisure, but if anything changed on her end to please leave us her phone number.

The finalization occured with no appeal from anyone-thus their parental rights were terminated. Our adoption hearing was then scheduled for December 16, 2011. At the begining of December I sent off a box of gifts for Christmas. Nothing extravagent. A coloring book, crayons, a "magic towel", and some candy for their daugther. For them I sent an ornament that I made with Rocky's foot print and the year tag on it as well as a photo book that at the end had the Rubble family photo, and the family photo of the 4 of them with the caption "thank you for making us a family" over BOTH photos-for no matter what we are all Rocky's family-and we are interlinked.

We still haven't heard from them.

Barney seems to believe this--when we met them at Halloween we ran into her brother and sister in law. They (the inlaws) seemed NONE to pleased that we were there. When it was just Rocky's birth parents and us the conversation flowed, and we were seemingly welcomed, but when the uncle and aunt were present they didn't interact with us at all, and wanted nothing to do with Rocky. We just held behind, and could honestly have disappeared without notice. This was especially clear when "M" attempted to introduce Rocky to her brother when we first came upon them, and he walked away without acknowledging him, her or us. Barney believes that her brother may have said that she needs to let it go...

Me, I believe that they may be having deepening financial trouble and my stating before Rocky was born "If you are ever in a position where Pebbles needs a place to stay she is welcome in our home as our daughter as much a Rocky will be" His birth mother has a very distinct fear (either real or imagined I'm not sure)of losing her daughter to CYS (children and youth services) which was part of the reason for placing Rocky.

When push comes to shove however we may never truly know...it could simply be that it's easier for them to only receive paper updates rather than hear the excitement in my voice when Rocky tries peas, or rolls over, or is diagnosed with exzema (not excitement, but to know they miss even the mundane). Or it could be that they are those rare people who do better with the "out of sight out of mind" way that adoptions were handled as far as the early 80's. After all "M" had requested a closed adoption when she chose us, and perhaps after finding out that Rocky is OK it was enough for her. Perhaps just seeing for her own eyes that Rocky is "ours" and that he isn't treated like a "red headed step child" made the decision solidified for her. I will be honest and say this is what I wanted, and I'm not going to apologize for that. However at the same time I am feeling more comfortable as Rocky's Mom now that things are done-now that we have a certificate that has our last name on it and should she call and say "could we meet at the mall" I likely wouldn't scoff at the idea, and would probably welcome it just so that I know they are alright...but in the mean time... I will continue to send letters-we have obtained a PO BOX in the hopes that she would write Rocky a letter...but if she doesn't all I can do is continue to send mail to the address we have and hope that mail is never returned as undeliverable...