I Married Barney, Now What?

Proof of Paternity...

2012-01-27T08:28:00.000-08:00

We still have not obtained Rocky's ammended birth certificate. The clerk of courts advised that they would provide the department of vital records with the certificate of adoption and we would then be able to obtain said certificate within 2-4 weeks of the proceedings. Knowing that we were 9 days away from Christmas we gave them the benefit of the doubt and waited 5 weeks before attmepting to receive the document. On that day Barney and Rocky headed off on an adventure that ended in dismal failure. The birth certificate was in process, but they gave us a phone number to contact to find out when it would be ready...needless to say this took an additional 8 days, and a phone call to a supervisor to get the answer we required...but first they gave me some background information.

A. When a baby is placed for adoption from the hospital the department of vital records HOLDS the birth certificate pending PROOF OF PATERNITY! Keep in mind that termination of parental rights is signed at the 72 hour mark and clearly states that its the PUNATIVE father who is signing the paper work. They then hold the ORIGINAL birth certificate for 60 days PENDING the paternity affidavite.

B. It is apparently ILLEGAL for us to be in possession of Rocky's original birth certificate listing his birth parents as his parents. In our state even though they now recognize open adoptions our state STILL seals the original birth certificate from BOTH the adoptee AND the adoptive parents. Thus, there is ZERO record that Rocky was ever anything other than a Rubble. We were "strongly advised" to return the original birth certificate to our attorney so he could in turn return it to the department of vital records.

My beef with this is two fold. First, by holding the original birth certificate for 60 days you've already PASSED the point of appealing and ruling on termination of parental rights also may have occured--as was our case. Rocky was 3 months and 3 days old when his adoption was final. By holding his birth certificate for 60 days without even processing it until the attorney called to demand it (just I did with his ammendment) you jeopardize a speedy finalization of an adoption. Granted our situation is unique--we adopted through a very rural county, thus we were in and out of the system in 93 days, where as an old co-worker of ours whose adopted daughter is a month younger is STILL waiting on the TPR and adoptin hearing...but this shouldn't be expected to be the norm! Worse, she said to me-when a child is finally adopted we don't even begin to process the paper work until 10-12 weeks AFTER the adoption is finalized...

"So what you're telling me is that had I given birth to Rocky that I would have had his birth certificate and SS# within 6 weeks of his birth, but because he is adopted we in theory have to wait SIX MONTHS? So in other words I can't even file my taxes this year?"

Her response "Well if you weren't giving your child up you would be married and then we wouldn't need proof of paternity, but yes because your child is adopted you will need to wait. It's not my fault the clerk of courts gave you mis information"

"So basically you're telling me that not only do you discriminate against birth parents in this state, but you also discriminate against adoptive mothers?"

"No, I"m not saying that, I'm just saying that if you're not married then it takes longer because we have to prove paternity"

"So your saying you only discriminate against unmarried women in this state then? Because if that is the case then you need to know Rocky's birth parents WERE married at the time of his birth..."

This bothers me on a NUMBER of levels. Just because I have a ring on my finger doesn't mean that A. Paternity is a given. B. It doesn't mean that I won't find myself in the position where I need to put a child up for adoption and C. Being an adoptee it's very difficult to find your birth parents if you don't even have a certificate that is obtainable with their names on it and D. Since when did it become the states responsibility to "police" unmarried women...for even if Jane Doe decided to keep her child and names John Doe as the birth father a court of LAW, not a branch of the government will demand that paternity be established before child support or termination of parental rights can occur.

Let me close by saying Rocky's birth certificate is being ammended today, and we can pick it up on Monday.

96 Hours...

2012-01-26T08:24:00.000-08:00

I am down to 96 hours of paid work! I'm actually VERY excited by this prospect. From what I have read, and I'm an avid reader on all things baby and parenting, Rocky is going to experience the most growth over the next 3 months and I so don't want to miss it. We already see changes in him daily!

When we first started pureed foods for example he could barely keep it in his mouth due to a still existent tounge thrust. Now a short 2 weeks later he is opening his mouth like a little bird and "chewing" his food.

When his Godparents gave him his exersaucer for Christmas a mere month ago his feet grazed the floor and he had zero balancing control. Now, he pushes up on his feet to come to a standing position and manages to turn himself in a clockwise motion so that he can reach all the stations of his toy.

No longer is my little baby the tiny helpless newborn whom we could lay on any surface without worry that he'd roll over. Now if we don't watch him like a hawk we might miss that, and more!

The financial adjustment will be HUGE, but I've already got some plans in the works. My first thought was to put an add on cr@-igs list for in home child care. Day care for 2 days a week at a church would have run us $600 a month, so my thought is for 5 days a week even if I charge $25-$30 a day that is still a bargain. I would like to think that since both Barney and I have our clearances that many people would be interested in the service, but who really knows. Plus, I'm not going to want a TON of children, just one or two...while it may not generate a lot of interest I can still put out feelers. If that fails to pan out then I will find a part time job at a retail establishment that is willing to work with my need to start after 5:30, and not work BOTH weekend days. I'm not naive enough to think that I can dictate that I won't work weekends, but I will not work both days that is for sure.

Other plans include losing the weight that I regained. I was down 30 pounds not long ago, and have since gained it all back and probably more. Since I'm afraid of the number on the scale I won't step on it, but looking in the mirror, and feeling the tightness of my underroos is horrifying enough thank you. I'm going to put myself on a schedule during the day so that all of my housework will be completed, and still be able to get an hour of excercise in during the baby's nap, but first I must compelete these last 96 hours of ~~drudgery~~ work...

Total Fail...

2012-01-25T06:40:00.000-08:00

So the love dare has totally been thrown out the window. While I know that the whole idea is that it be one sided, and that through that the spouse whom is on the recieving end will "see the light" one must actually follow through on all 40 days in order for this to work. Of course it also helps if ones spouse is willing to meet you half way...mine I have decided is not. Thus, I have once again discovered that the love dare is a total fail. Sigh.

See, Barney has a "standing" date to play raquet ball on Tuesdays. Not a problem generally as he is typcially home by 8:30. Last night 8:30 came and went with no sign of Barney. This didn't bother me so much as I was enjoying the peace as Rocky had gone to bed at 7:45 and while swaddled was happily snoozing. By 9:30 however when I hadn't received a phone call, I started to become concerned. 3 1/2 hours playing ball seemed a bit extreem, but still I waited. By 10 I yanked Rocky out of his crib and walked to the court which was completely dark. So I decided to follow a hunch and see if Barney was at Fred's house, and sure enough he was and this peaved me off. Not that he was there, but that he hadn't had the courtesy of saying "Hey, I'm at Fred's don't wait up" or better yet, coming home to our house and grabbing his phone and his KEYS before heading back to Fred's house. See, when Barney left at 6 he said "I'm not taking my keys don't lock the front door" Ok, not a problem as I don't believe that I'm going out between now and 8:30...however when you don't plan on coming home until almost 10:30 this means I can't go to bed, and that really peaves me off.

Of course when ones husband finally does come home after you threaten to lock the door so that you can go to sleep in a mood you aren't going to bed any time soon there after anyway. Sigh. I will say this, while I wasn't very nice myself I cut the argument short in a way I would have never done before. "Barney, I'm done. I've said my peace and am done. When you wish to discuss what I perceive to be your inconsiderate behavior I will be more than willing to do so, but for now, I'm done" and then I went to bed, alone. At 3 when Rocky woke up because he was unswaddled I brought him into bed with me, and we cuddled (he slept, I stewed) until the alarm went off at 6 a.m.

What is hardest about being a parent is that when you're mad at your spouse your obligations to your child don't end. While I want to be passive agressive and angry at Barney for his continued inconsiderate behavior I can't be for we have an audience who is sucking it all in...and as we know from our own experiences we learn how to be a spouse from our parents. So instead of being snarky and angry I changed, dressed, and heated Rocky's bottle before handing him to his daddy...smiling while I did it...texting however...lets just say its a good thing Rocky can't read. Sigh...

You Are Hereby Notified...

2012-01-24T07:21:00.000-08:00

This morning I officially gave my notice at work.

I'm scared.

My last day will be Friday, February 17th at 3:30 p.m.

This will give us 9 days between my ceasing to work and moving. In some ways this is great, but in others its petrifyingly scary! I thought about it last night, and my earlier than slated departure will help Rocky. He is going to going from having his GodMother, and my mom 3 and 2 days a week respectively to having Mommy 24/7. While that is a good thing it will also be an adjustment as each "other mother" has a schedule that they follow with him and he has adapted to quite well. By making an exedous a bit earlier than planned he won't have to adapt to it all at onace. He can adapt to it being all Mommy all the time and then to a new room in a new house.

I'm worried about financial state. A lot of our moving and my staying home (comfortably) is contingent upon our tax return. Of course the state has Rocky's ammended birth certificate as "pending" which means they are working on it, but that it's not ready. This in turn means no social security number for you. Granted even if we did have those pieces of information filing for the adoption credit delays your tax return even further than normal when the government is slated to give you a HUGE amount of money.

As Barney and I often discuss we'd be in the same boat had I delivered Rocky, but the difference would be--we wouldn't have incurred the debt getting him here. So while 40% of our credit card debt could be considered frivolous, the other 60% is completely related to him, which I wouldn't change for a moment and I know that eventually we will get caught back up...it will just take some time.

Of course there are some pluses to me staying home. Things we didn't qualify for before, WIC for example, we will now be able to take advantage of. Not that I would quit my job for WIC by any stretch, but knowing that it's there and we're eligible does take some worry away. Of course again, we will need his birth certificate and his social security card to apply...go figure.

My plan is this...when we move, I'm going to do one of two things. A. Put an ad in the paper for in home baby sitting. I could feasibly take an infant and a toddler OR two toddlers any day of the week. Even if it was broken up between two families would work. I have, as does Barney have our FBI, State Police, and Child Abuse Clearances as well as stellar letters of recommendation from our home study. or B. Find a part time job at night for 20 hours a week--just that would cover the cost of our housing which would take a HUGE burden off of Barney and would still allow me to stay home with Rocky during the day.

Ultimately...just as Rocky's arrival was unplanned so is this...but look at how well it worked out with him...and I have faith tha this shall too. For I'm a firm believer in the Lord will provide!

Decisions...

2012-01-23T13:46:00.000-08:00

It's been an eventful Monday.

We're moving-that we already knew.

We're not going to be using cloth diapers. The cost savings are only there if we'd be having a second child, but we're not. So realy the minute savings that we would incure the first year are minimal. So even though I am borrowing the Earth from my child cloth diapers are just not going to be for me.

Tomorrow, I'm giving my notice at work. Originally my goal was to work until we moved--so February 24th. However due to another move unrelated to ours that isn't going to work. In theory I could work until the 24th, but if this other move does occur then Rocky's God parents will be packing up and moving at the same time. The only difference is...they are moving across the country. So I decided that A. They will need some time to find residence where they are moving. and B. Rocky is going be adjusting to a new house so I don't want him to be adjusting to losing his favorite baby sitter/god mother too. So I will be home with him for 10 days or so before we move, which will hopefully make the transistion a bit easier for him.

I do not do well with change so I'm being incredibly irritable. Some may call me a selfish jerk, and perhaps I am...but I like most others want my cake and to eat it too. Of course it doesn't help when Barney keeps telling me "We're never going to see them again. They will become blurbs on f@ce b00k." Gee honey as if I weren't having a hard enough time today as it is. Sigh.

Will That Be Paper (Pampers) or Cloth?

2012-01-22T09:19:00.000-08:00

I am a vacinating, circumcizing, disposible diapering (for now), playtex nurser feeding Momma. So why then would I be considering a change (no pun intended) to cloth diapers?

Well, much like my desire to save money feeding Rocky I also am interested in saving money changing Rocky's diapers (pun intended). However I'm honestly not sure if there is much savings in cloth diapering comparatively. Baby food yes--diapers, not so sure...so I'm hoping someone can either confirm or debunk my theory.

We spend on average:

$35 a month for diapers.
$7 for the Diaper Genie refills.

$42 a month for disposable diapers and disposal.

I looked on eb@y for cloth diapers...and while I'm not even sure what I'm looking at I'm going to guess that it would run me about $100-$150 to get started on cloth diapers.

$150 start up-and I'm not even sure if those diapers would last him until he is 2 or not...

I also understand that to properly wash cloth diapers that they need to go through the wash 3 times. So to me that would mean filling and putting the washer through a wash and rinse cycle THREE TIMES EVERY DAY, where as right now I'm running 3 cycles of laundry for ALL of our clothes once a week. So you'd have the added cost of water, electricity, and gas to utilize cloth. So while most people say there is a HUGE savings...is there really?

I'm thinking--and again debunk me--that there really wouldn't be...

The baby grows which means you have to constantly (or every few months) purchase new, larger cloth diapers or shlls? NO?

You pay your water bill by the gallon-I'm guessing a washer uses 10 gallons of water for each cycle...how much does one pay for a gallon of water X 3 cycles per day.

Time? How much is your time worth? This one will likely be the cause of angst. Shouldn't you dedicate your time to your child? Well absolutey...but for the same reasons why not working appeals to me not being a "slave" to the washing machine also appeals to me.

Finally the cost of laundry soap--I'm sure you need some kind of special soap to wash all of these new found britches Right?

So what will my final decision be...paper or cloth? How "crunchy" do I want to get?? That I suppose is ultimately the question...

Stay At Home Mom...

2012-01-21T17:45:00.000-08:00

Well, thanks to a dozen changes in our life as of March 1st I will officially be a stay at home mom!

The first change is we found THE house. It's not a fabulous, blow your mind house but it will be ours. It's much closer than the other house, that turned out not to be the house. It's also not as well appointed but has its own unique charicteristics. It has a sun room complete with fire place!!! It has a HUGE living room. It has a "mud room". It has a garage! We've NEVER had a garage before! The bedrooms are hardwood on the floor-not condusive to a nursery, but we will solve that problem with a lovely area rug. There are some cosmetic issues that will be dealt with once we move in that aren't terribly problematic just preferential. So, on February 25th we move.

The second change is that Rocky's Godfather is in Texas this weekend. This was both unexpected and unannounced...and could mean that they, his god parents, could be moving back "home" Sigh. This makes me sad. Not only because they would be leaving, but because they are the only people other than my mother that I trust Rocky with unconditionally. Of course this also made the decision of giving my notice rather than trying to fenagle 3 days of employment out of my current part time status an impossibility.

I'm nervous about this prospect, but Barney assures me that it will be alright. Of course I have to trust him as he handles our finances and has them running like a well oiled machine. Of course I know that with my abscense of a pay check will come other changes--no cable for example, or no driving to meet a friend for lunch on a whim of course...but it will be so worth it to be able to be the first person Rocky sees in the morning and the last person Rocky sees before going to sleep at night but I will also be the prevelent person during the day who makes sure all of his other needs are met and while nervous...I can't wait!

First Contact...

2012-01-19T10:37:00.000-08:00

I haven't touched upon Rocky's birth family in awhile because there is really nothing to talk about. Alex however asked in a comment if I would touch on how much contact we've had since finalization.

The answer is complicated...

We last physically saw them on October 31st. We met with them at their request for trick or treating at the local mall (local to them not us). At the end of the evening I offered up that we were off on Thanksigiving weekend and perhaps that would be a good time to get together again.

On the 1st of November Barney had to drive to their home to have them sign the paper work stating that they knew they could make a request for an open adoption prior to the finalization and that they were aware that their parental rights would be terminated mid-November. They signed both without pause and made no additional requests to change our closed adoption to an open one-though closed the adoption isn't sealed shut either, it's more a "lets see how it ebbs and flows"

On the 10th of November I called to wish "M" a happy birthday and at that time she couldn't rush me off the phone quickly enough. She promised to call after 7:30 that evening but didn't. That was over 2 months ago and I haven't heard from her since. Despite this I did send photographs following his 2 month doctors appointment along with an update on weight, length, and weight and reaffirmed that my phone number hadn't changed and she was welcome to call at her leisure, but if anything changed on her end to please leave us her phone number.

The finalization occured with no appeal from anyone-thus their parental rights were terminated. Our adoption hearing was then scheduled for December 16, 2011. At the begining of December I sent off a box of gifts for Christmas. Nothing extravagent. A coloring book, crayons, a "magic towel", and some candy for their daugther. For them I sent an ornament that I made with Rocky's foot print and the year tag on it as well as a photo book that at the end had the Rubble family photo, and the family photo of the 4 of them with the caption "thank you for making us a family" over BOTH photos-for no matter what we are all Rocky's family-and we are interlinked.

We still haven't heard from them.

Barney seems to believe this--when we met them at Halloween we ran into her brother and sister in law. They (the inlaws) seemed NONE to pleased that we were there. When it was just Rocky's birth parents and us the conversation flowed, and we were seemingly welcomed, but when the uncle and aunt were present they didn't interact with us at all, and wanted nothing to do with Rocky. We just held behind, and could honestly have disappeared without notice. This was especially clear when "M" attempted to introduce Rocky to her brother when we first came upon them, and he walked away without acknowledging him, her or us. Barney believes that her brother may have said that she needs to let it go...

Me, I believe that they may be having deepening financial trouble and my stating before Rocky was born "If you are ever in a position where Pebbles needs a place to stay she is welcome in our home as our daughter as much a Rocky will be" His birth mother has a very distinct fear (either real or imagined I'm not sure)of losing her daughter to CYS (children and youth services) which was part of the reason for placing Rocky.

When push comes to shove however we may never truly know...it could simply be that it's easier for them to only receive paper updates rather than hear the excitement in my voice when Rocky tries peas, or rolls over, or is diagnosed with exzema (not excitement, but to know they miss even the mundane). Or it could be that they are those rare people who do better with the "out of sight out of mind" way that adoptions were handled as far as the early 80's. After all "M" had requested a closed adoption when she chose us, and perhaps after finding out that Rocky is OK it was enough for her. Perhaps just seeing for her own eyes that Rocky is "ours" and that he isn't treated like a "red headed step child" made the decision solidified for her. I will be honest and say this is what I wanted, and I'm not going to apologize for that. However at the same time I am feeling more comfortable as Rocky's Mom now that things are done-now that we have a certificate that has our last name on it and should she call and say "could we meet at the mall" I likely wouldn't scoff at the idea, and would probably welcome it just so that I know they are alright...but in the mean time... I will continue to send letters-we have obtained a PO BOX in the hopes that she would write Rocky a letter...but if she doesn't all I can do is continue to send mail to the address we have and hope that mail is never returned as undeliverable...

There Is Nothing Sexier...

2012-01-18T18:12:00.000-08:00

Than a man who wears his baby...

Peas and Carrots....

2012-01-17T08:28:00.000-08:00

I'm not a cruchy attatchment parenting Momma. Sure we co-sleep for the periodic weekend nap, and I baby wear as much as possible, feed on demand, and do not use cry it out...but after that our similarities diverge. So why then would I have decided in the months before Rocky even knew what a spoon was that when the time came to use one that I'd make as much of his food as possible? Heck, I hate cooking for Barney and I...what made me think that I'd want to cook for the baby? Who knows...but I did it.

Apples, Carrots, Peas, Mangos, and Beats were all purchased with the intent of making a Gerber like puree. I first read recipies which seemed very similar no matter what you were making. Boil, puree, place in container and refridgerate or freeze. I then learned how long certain kinds of foods would freeze, and which ones would freeze, but not freeze as well (beats for example)as the rest. Then I set out making them, and now at the pediatricians suggestions and encouragement Rocky is eating them.

The most labor intensive thus far I've discovered are peas. You boil them, puree them, and then as the label on a pre made jar suggests-strain them. You see, peas have a skin and if you don't strain them well I imagine that wouldn't be good for an infant who has just figured out what food is...especially one who is as uncertain about this as Rocky was...

His first spoonful was promptly spit out Excorcist style all over the tray, himself, and some over spray on me. I however am not one to give up which lead him to decide that maybe, just maybe I wasn't trying to poison him...and then I wasn't able to get it in there fast enough.

Finally after a few minutes and many spoonfuls Rocky decided that Mommy just couldn't possibly be feeding him fast enough so he needed to do it himself

Which ultimately lead to the decision that while he isn't ready to try green eggs and ham just yet that green peas aren't so bad after all...

and this is good because for the next three days this is all he is getting for solid foods...and then...we move on to beats...

Well Baby...That's a COOL Mei Tai!

2012-01-16T12:10:00.000-08:00

Knowing we wouldn't have a sitter this morning I scheduled Rocky's 4 month well baby visit with the pediatrician.

Our usual nurse was busy taking phone calls so she didn't weight Rocky as she normally does, so I quickly took the obligatory picture on the scale.

Rocky weights 14 pounds 7 ounces, is a whopping 25 1/2 inches long, and has a 16 3/4 inch head circumfrence. He is 7 ounces shy of doubling his birth weight which means he is growing appropriately. Doctor wants him to start on baby food between now and our next visit. He is both neurologically ready and is eating far more fluid oz. than your average 4 month old would be satiated with. So, tonight we will start him with the peas that I made him not long ago and have stored in the freezer since.

After that we drove to the conservatory

and met with Wilma-who hasn't seen Rocky since he was just a few weeks old.

In her bag she had two of the most beautiful gifts for Rocky. First, a brand new pink socky monkey--pink for Valentines Day she says! Second, a HAND MADE beautiful Mei Tai carrier! Wilma is the most talented seamstress, and while I thought she outdid her self altering my sisters brides maids dress when she found herself pregnant I say that was childs play compared to Rocky's carrier! Seriously it is beautiful! She picked out a lovely light green blanket material to line it with, and a canvas with dots and BABY on the outside, and a green canvas for the ties. Rocky wasn't too sure about it at first, but soon snuggled in and quickly fell asleep.

Just look at how comfy cozy this little boy is!

I can't wait to show it to Barney! My hope is that since it's not girly and that since it can be worn on the back that he may be interested in wearing Rocky too!

Thank you SO MUCH WILMA! I am so blessed to have a friend like you!

We Got It...

2012-01-15T19:36:00.000-08:00

When we moved into our current situation we did so after moving from ~~a house~~the money pit to a very large but very noisy apartment. Despite the noise, terrible location, and generic floor plan we weren't keen on moving after only 12 months so we landed here after deciding that we had to fall in love in order to move in...and fall we did. It's scrumptious. The condo is large, had a working fire place, heated pool, play ground, tennis, gym, tanning facilities! What isn't to love? Well for starters the price. You get what you pay for, and we pay a premium for it which was fine when we were a couple, but we're a family now and the priorities have changed.

The pool is nice, but not a necessity. We don't play tennis. The gym, I'd stroke out if I stepped foot on the treadmill-after all the blood has been pushed to my brain since the circulation in my legs has been cut off from putting on yoga pants that are to tight. Ahem. Tanning-lets just say fat melts and begins to sizzle when heated so that wouldn't be a good way to end for me. No thank you...but still I'm not keen on moving, but it's something we have to do...

My Mom can't watch Rocky 5 days a week. The two she does give us exhausts her. Rocky's Godmother is this close to having a completely empty nest and is at the point in her life where she can travel on a whim which leaves us sitterless for 10 days in March. Oh and did I mention she is only 3 1/2 years older than me and her baby is 16, and her oldest 20? Different seasons for sure...but that doesn't mean I won't miss walking 500 feet for a visit rather than having to drive 30 miles for one. Sigh.

So, it looks like we'll be moving in a few weeks....6 to be exact. 2 less than we had to prepare for Rocky's arrival...and well that has turned out alright. On the upside, we will save a ton of money by moving...AND I get to stay home with my baby boy...AND maybe, I will even make some mommy friends along the way...

Third Time Is The Charm and A Change In Plans...

2012-01-14T16:35:00.000-08:00

We visited our third property this blustery evening.

After a nap we traveled 30 miles North and nearly caused a head on collision as our GPS told us to turn right on a one way street. Sadly it was one way in the opposite direction of where we were traveling. Thankfully the car coming towards us stopped short and allowed us to do a U turn and we collected our selves after cussing out the stupid GPS invention.

Once turned around and pointed in the proper though opposite direction we started to take in the neighborhood. It's old, but full of charm. There was church nested in between two houses, and a day care on the corner, while on another stood a bank. We parked in front of the unassuming house which sits opposite of an out of place McMansion. We slowly walked up on the porch and allowed the other family to come out having had their turn at taking a gander.

The entry is large, the living room adequate, the kitchen huge, the dining room awkward. The basement is lined in brick, and the attic covered in dust from the old coal furnace, but best of all Barney would regain his office space. Seriously we're in love. It's an old house, the windows I'm sure are drafty and the furnace totally inefficient but it is a house we could call a home. I can imagine us sitting on the front porch watching barges on the river that can be viewed along side the McMansion. I'm told there is river access up the street-which means very local kayaking! "You can paint if you want to" were the last words spoken as we were heading to the car. They said they liked us...but what if they like the next couple more? No, we won't think like that...instead we will think we've got it. we will bring boxes home on Monday. Even if we don't move we could stand to get rid of some excess!

As for the change in plans...Barney no longer wishes to pay off my car with our tax return. Instead he wants to pay off our credit cards and with the remainder he wishes to rebuild our savings account. It sounds reasonable, but that will still leave a balance of around $12000 on my car that will be slowly chiseled away over the next 48 months or so. "Uhm Barney will I still be able to stay home?" I asked...not because I'm entitled too but because if we move we lose our baby sitters. "Well, you will need to work a few hours a week..." So my plan became this...I've never been 100% sure that I can stay home for a few reasons that I will share later...so I suggested that if we're paying less in housing costs and have no credit card debt that it would be like getting a raise anyway...SO, I was going to suggest working M-W-F to my employer (I'm already part time) and then offering to actually pay our baby sitter. If that wouldn't pan out so long as I make $7000 less a year we qualify for day care assistance...which means I could feasibly work the M-W-F and put Rocky in day care...though this plan thrills me the least as I hate the idea of him being taken care of by strangers!

So...we shall see what happens....I'm not planning on one over the other for we all knwo what happens while we're busy making those plans...

Happy 1/3rd Birthday...

2012-01-13T14:54:00.000-08:00

Four months ago Barney and I were exhausted, but happy as we cuddled with our 7 pound 7 ounce new born in the hospital room number 545. I cheered when he urinated for the first time, and Barney grinned as he coaxed the first burp from our seemingly fragile son. I couldn't take my eyes off of this little boy whom had already stole my heart.

His little chicken legs seemed so fragile to me as we I put his booties on to bring him home on that sunny September day just 4 months ago...

But now...those little chicken legs have gotten chubby and are holding him rigid when you "stand him" on your own meaty thighs. He smiles on cue, and watches what you're eating with great interest. Burping is something he has learned to fake as any man will. He charms everyone who meets him-both young and old. Everyone wants to hold him and hear his story. He sleeps through the night, but still wants to be firmly swaddled. He refuses to roll all the way over from his belly to his back, but it capable of it as he has shown us he can. His favorite toy is "Mooey" his stuffed cow that Aunt Jess bought him for Christmas. His bed time is 9, his wake up time 6. He hates his car seat AND his snow suit when you try to use them in unison, but independently he tolerates both.

My little boy is growing up and I didn't give him permission!

Happy four month birthday baby boy! You've made me so very happy, and I thank God every day for the miracle that is you!

Sky Rockets In Flight...Love Takes Delight...

2012-01-12T07:46:00.000-08:00

Before Rocky was born Barney had a seperate office. From his office he would emass and pay all the bills on a monthly basis as well as he would play his online game that he devoted much of his time too. More often than not this would cause us to be seperated both in mind and body. He'd to his thing, and I would do mine. Now, Rocky resides in the space that was once occupied by a computer desk while the space previously occupied by a lovely rehabbed Eames Miller lounge chair now holds a shiny new computer desk.

Now after Rocky has finally settled in for the night Barney still plays his online game, but we are at least in the same physical space. Yet we're still not "together" and for the most part I don't mind. By the time I get home from work having dealt with patients and physicians all day I'm drained myself and wish to just vedge. Still there are times when it would be nice to share a glass of wine and commiserate about our day which brings us to todays love dare...

Today's dare

Purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your spouse. Do something he or she would love to do or a project they'd really like to work on. Just be together.

It's A Start...

2012-01-11T06:34:00.000-08:00

I have always worked. With the exception of a brief period when Barney was in the military, and an even briefer stint with unemployement (6 weeks) I have worked since I was 13 years old-first as a baby sitter, then in a grocery store, and finally in the medical field where I seem to have found my niche. So while I want to stay home, I'm afraid too.

As I was telling Rocky's God mother yesterday I find I have the "having my cake and eating it too" syndrome. I want the option of staying home, BUT I don't want to give up the "fun" things that I have been able to aquire by working. However when she pointed out those fun things have come with a cost, a cost that has put us in to debt that is NOT related to the cost of the attorney, or the "start up" cost of Rocky I realized (after arguing with her stubbornly) that she is right. While on the glossy surface we live a great life. 2 cars, computers, cameras, bright colored plastic toys...we are in debt and will continue to be in debt, again not related to student loans, attorneys fees on CC's, and our cars) but frivolous debt...there for the question becomes am I willing to give that up to be able to stay home with Rocky? While I fought against it there has to be a break point--NO, I'm not willing to eat beans and rice for a month just to pay the minimum payments on the master card, am I willing to continue to work just so that I can continue to use the credit cards to pay for toys? Push to shove--probably not. I will work to keep a roof over our heads, food on the table, and clothes on our back certainly...but to work just so that I can this month pay enough of the credit card bill to be able to put a new camera lens on it is insane.

Something has to give...and...

Barney has a plan. We are looking at a duplex tonight (we hope, as the guy has already canceled on us once this week) that if we obtain we would save $300 a month in living costs. Then, when we file our taxes if our return is what we anticipate it to be we are going to pay off my car, another savings of $305 a month for a total of $605. If we are able to accomplish those two goals then I can stay home with Rocky. "Betty, certainly you make more than $605 a month...right?" You're asking and the answer is YES I do-but if you add to the fact that we do not qualify for any assistance with our day care costs (if Rocky were to be in day care) we'd be paying MORE than what I make a month for day care, my car, AND the extra savings obtained if we're able to move, though so far we've been very blessed with my Mom's help, and our dear friends help as they keep Rocky during our working hours.

So why am I still afraid to even TRY to stay home? Why would I instead be more interested in perpetuation the status quo? I'm afraid because I like to perpetuate the illusion of "if I want it I get it" but lets be real--everyone knows that with the illusion comes credit card debt-and as my friend pointed out while it appeares you're living at X level your really living at Y level and as long as you continue to live at Y level while spending X level you're never going to be able to stay at home, so what motivates you? What is your goal? You waited 13 years for this...why isn't this more important to you than your new camera?

Insert stubborn kicking and screaming here before I allowed the fog to clear and I realized she was right...

I waited 13 years for a child who will eventually grow up and leave home and I will have missed a good portion of that time spinning the hamster wheel but never making forward progress...so I made the difficult decision to break up with my plastic. It's an obsession much like trying to have a baby that will be very difficult not to revisit, but it was a start to close all but 1 major account and to cut up every store card in my wallet...

Ultimately for at least a while we will still carry a heavy debt load-Barney's car, my student loans, and the credit card debt that we accrued by having to pay for Rocky's attorney fees and that in which we added toys too-but eventually that will come down...and while I may still be driving my 2010 Chevy HHR in 2020 it will have been so worth it when I watch my boy graduate from high school and know that we taught him what was really important in life...that it's not things, but family that matter...first however...I must focus on the now...but hey, it's a start...and the hardest part of the journey is the first step...

This Shall Be Tough...

2012-01-10T06:11:00.000-08:00

Today’s Dare

Demonstrate love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between you and your spouse. Tell them you are putting their preference first.

Oh boy...this one is going to be a tough one...as Barney and I are currently at a divide of what to do with our finances...

Ultimately my goal is to be able to stay at home with Rocky. Unfortunately where we live, while spectacular is costly. If we want to stay in our current situation then I have to work, and at that with two car payments, my getting paid once a month, and the added cost of the baby our "fun money" has been depleated. If I want to not work then we have to move, we have to pay off my credit cards, and while I'd be able to stay home with Rocky (even if not full time very close to it) our "fun money" would still be limited if not non-existant. This is a no brainer-I want to stay home thus I should be able to easily cut up the plastic, I should be able to not order cameras because I want them, I should be able to say "We're not going to the beach this summer" with a smile-but I don't and that causes strife between Barney and myself.

As he pointed out last night-he put $100 on a credit card for gift cards for our sitters--and he often does without "toys" for himself. Yet I recently confessed that I had ordered a new SLR (single lens reflex) digital camera that I was lusting after since Rocky was born. I do feel guilty for the purchase because he had asked me to cease using my credit cards--and I promised him that I would. Yet my wants over ruled my need/want to stay home with Rocky. Of course even after this discussion I told Barney to use the proceeds from his model train sale to buy "something fun for himself" to which he scoffed-"but I can pay off a credit card, or pay one down..." but in my attempt at justifying my nefarious activity...."But Barney it will be OK to spend it on something fun..."

So..while the camera still sits (boxed) on the dining room table I believe I may return it...and call the credit card companies and cancel them...for if I'm unable to physically use them I will have but no choice to bend to Barney's desire...but in the long run I will win too for I would be able to stay home with my baby...

Need Vs Want

2012-01-09T12:04:00.000-08:00

If you're interested in finding out what the love dare for days 9 and 10 entailed you can search the interweb for them. I was going to make one long post, but chose agaist it. First because I'm sure you really aren't all that interested and second because I have a very limited window of time today...

Today's dare:

What need does your spouse have that could meet today? Can you run an errand? Give a back rub or foot massage? Is there housework you could help with? Choose a gesture that says, “I cherish you” and do it with a smile.

Barney did this for myself and several friends of ours yesterday evening. He made us all a lovely dinner. Tonight, unfortunately we will be RUNNING-we're looking at a house, then I have to get the stitches in my mouth removed. So I'm not quite sure how I will meet his wants and needs tonight...but I will try!

As for the love dare over all...I think that while Barney and I don't have the "perfect" marriage for no one does that we are pretty close. Many of the things that are listed for people to be concious of doing Barney and I do as a habit. Of course some of those habits are to immediately snap when the others tone is one of discord, or to automatically jump to a raised voice instead of taking a backward step before reacting. Still, when it's simply a Monday or a Tuesday or any day that ends with a Y we do try to say "I love you" and try to make the other feel wanted--even if its with a simple "I will hold the baby while you go to the bathroom"

Really Official...

2012-01-07T18:27:00.000-08:00

Rocky has been mine from the day his birth mother said "he's yours if you want him"

Rocky has been mine from the first time my ears heard the thunder of his heart beat on the Doppler.

Rocky has been mine from the moment the nurses said "we will assume for the moment that you are his parents..." as they handed him to us on the way out of the delivery room.

Rocky has been mine from the moment that we ~~sped wildly~~drove ever so cautiously from the parking garage at the hospital.

Rocky has been mine ever since the judge signed papers giving us legal physical custody just 48 hours after his birth.

Rocky has been mine ever since his birth parents signed the papers terminating their parental rights to him.

Rocky has been mine ever since the judge sign the papers completely terminating his birth parents rights.

Rocky legally became mine on December 16th, 2011 when the judge declared that he be known as Rocky Bernard Rubble...

but today...it became really official when in the mail we found Rocky's final adoption decree. The one with the raised gold seal from the county

in which he was born along with instructions of how to obtain his birth certificate that lists Barney and I as his parents on September 13, 2011 but in the mean time this certificate which can be found in any public record denotes that we by heart, and law are Rocky's parents-then, now, and forever...

I'm Having a Bad Day...But I Shall Not Greet You With It...

2012-01-06T07:53:00.000-08:00

I didn't wake up on the wrong side of the bed. At least I don't think so. It's Friday, I get to be out of my scrubs and in jeans for the day. Rocky would be taken to his Aunt Valley Girl's and in 6 short hours I would be home for a busy weekend. Oh, and there was a box from UPS on my dining room table (this I'm excited about, but OH SO VERY GUILTY FOR BUYING). It was supposed to be a good day darn it! Then...I got to work.

In my mail box there were over 20 pathology letters that I had to diseminate after typing them up. Some were first, some were re-exisions It should have taken me all of an hour to complete this task for after all its Friday. Of course the phone rang off the hook (but it isn't now go figure), then the margins were wrong, and on two I put Dear Dr. Last Name of the Patient instead of the doctors name, and on all of them the spacing for the letter head was wrong. I hate having to do something over once I believe I've completed it. So this along with the countless phone calls-specifically those from a particular nursing home "Tell your Dr. that X patient MUST be done by 11 a.m. because we're on a tight schedule today" put me in a foul mood. I know I shouldn't let it, but I have an now that Pandora's box is open I'm not sure if there will be a way to close it...but try I shall. I have four more first letters to complete, and my hope is that by taking this break that when I revisit them that I will be less inclined to be hostile.

Of course this mood happens to fall on love dare day 9, and it is going to force me to remember all the way back to day 1 so that I don't allow my mood to potentially infect my entire weekend...

Today's Dare:

Think of a specific way you’d like to greet your spouse today. Do it with a smile and with enthusiasm. Then determine to change your greeting to reflect your love for them

This is incredibly important for me to remember today. I could easily snap at Barney the moment he enters the door, not because he has strayed from his obligations as a husband or father but because he is THERE in front of me and I need him to get that I've had a bad day and I'm not going to take it any more, and that isn't fair. Certainly the moment will arise when I do share with him that I'm cranky, but it won't be when he walks in the door. No, instead I'm going to make a concerted effort today to not be sitting on the couch-babe in arms or not and simply smile and say "hello" but rather when I hear his key in the door I'm going to greet him with a kiss and a smile which I hope relays "Thank you for coming home, now here take the baby because if you don't I may just loose my mind..." but then again that doesn't convey love either...so maybe I will greet him with a kiss and a smile and suggest that we go out on a date for we have a sitter, and I could use a glass of wine, and a long hug...yes, that will do it...

Green Eyed Monster...Day 8

2012-01-05T07:36:00.000-08:00

I can happily say that today's dare will be an easy one. Again, perhaps this is because my marriage isn't in the dire straights that the movie Fire Proof portrayed, or perhaps because I've always been Barney's champion. Still, I'm sure that if I became completely introspective there are things that I could find that I'm jealous of...but generally there is no reason to be.

Still in the interest of continuity I will share todays dare. We are 1/5 of the way through the 40 days already! It seems impossible, but it is day 8. Time marches on...time marches on...

Today’s Dare

Determine to become your spouse’s biggest fan and to reject any thoughts of jealousy. To help set your heart on your spouse and focus on their achievements, take yesterday’s list of negative attributes and discreetly burn it. Then share with your spouse how glad you are about a success he or she recently enjoyed.

The Fat Lady Sings While Making A List...

2012-01-04T08:36:00.000-08:00

The curtain has fallen, and the fat lady has sung. There is no more medication hiding in the hydrator in the fridge. The sharps container that used to reside above the sink has been properly disposed of. My last notation on my BBT chart has been made, and it all signified the fact that Rocky will be an only child (unless we would adopt again).

I will say that while I'm disappointed I'm not crushed as I would have been if there were no Rocky. While I'd dearly love to give my son a sister or a brother I am not ungrateful for the gift that we have received. I am awaken every morning to cooing, not crying and when I look down into the crib I'm greeted with a gummy smile that is reserved for a select few. Sure, Rocky charms all who know him, but his biggest smiles--those are reserved for those of us whom rescue him from the confines of his slumber.

Of course Barney and I have discussed adding to our family in other ways-adoption specifically and he surprised me with his answer. "I wouldn't mind, but we'd certainly need a bigger house" So today when I begin work on my love dare day 7 I will be adding this to the list..."your inate ability to know exactly what our family needs when we need it"

Todays Dare

For today's dare, get two sheets of paper. On the first one, spend a few minutes writing out positive things about your spouse. Then do the same with negative things on the second sheet. Place both sheets in a secret place for another day. There is a different purpose and plan for each. At some point during the remainder of the day, pick a positive attribute frm the first list and thank your spouse for having this characteristic.

Baby It's Cold Outside!

2012-01-03T15:53:00.000-08:00

Rocky's God parents hail from Texas (Colorado, and Washington State) so it should be of no surprise that one evening in October that we heard a knock at the front door and a little blue sled was delivered. In retrospect I'm almost certain that Rocky wasn't quite five weeks old yet as a matter of fact, and the idea that it woudl someday snow and that he would be big enough to sit in said sled seemed a world away. Now...Rocky is not only big enough to begin sitting up with support, but it is now cold enough to have produced a good amount of snow...in that order.

Of course it took me longer to get him ready than we were outside...but still...I couldn't resist turning my little baby into a snow man

Day 6...Love Is Not Irritable...

2012-01-03T11:30:00.000-08:00

Oh how this dare was needed today!

You see Barney's company decided to switch our health insurance-this is not Barney's fault. Equally it is not Barney's fault that his HR person was not educated enough on Bedrock Law to simly add Rocky's name to our enrollment form even though he does not yet have a social security card (much less birth certificate) with the name Rubble on it. However, me being the anal retentive all my ducks must be in a row type personality that I am called our old Gold Card insurance company before he was born and subsequently learned a thing or two about ~~birthing babies~~adding babies-biological or adopted to ones insurance plan. Bottom line is this--a child placed for adoption be it via an agency, privately or through the foster care system is eligble at the time of placement with their adoptive family to be placed on any group health plan in effect at the time of placement. If said child is biological the same rules apply with the exception that said child is covered under the subscribers (in our case Daddy's) social security number for the period of 30 days at which time they have their own ID number issued. Simple enough, right? Well it was for the Gold card insurance, but not so much with our new plan and this caused me much irritation.

Barney was told by his HR person that WITHOUT a SS# that we couldn't add Rocky to our insurance plan. WRONG--Betty irritated--Betty shows this irritation to Barney.

I call the health insurance company and tout my newfound knowledge of Bedrock state law and DEMAND that Rocky be added to our insurance IMMEDIATELY. Yes, I'm irritable and yes I let them know it. Turns out this is impossible BUT all I need to do is have the HR person fax a copy of Rocky's decree AND an ammended enrollment form to them and Rocky will be insured.

Barney relays that information to HR today but is rebuffed. In turn as he is simply asking for my contacts name and phone number I become even more irritable. I had to take a step back. Why am I upset with him? He isn't the one causing this irritation-he is attempting to fix it, and ultimately did with PATIENCE. Love is patient...love is kind...sigh.

we learn how to be polite to others at the knees of our parents, and others. Likewise we learn how to be married from our parents--and this is where I learned the irritable trait. My Mom was one, and continues to be one who "shoots first and asks questions later" I in turn have perpetuated this behavior. I tend not to show patience and acceptance that margins often need to be given, but rather I balance precariously on the tip of the knife of irritability which then leads to strife where it did not need to be.

So today...when I felt myself becoming frustrated and in turn heard Barney's response to my irritation I took a step back off the knife point and said "I know you're trying your best...I know this isn't your fault--allow me to tell you what I will do to rectify this situation should the need arise...and now instead of spending the remained of the day shooting hateful texts, or those of apology Barney wrote back with "I called XYZ, they called HR--WOO HOO Rocky is officially insured again" followed by "please be careful it's snowing again..."

Yes, love is not irritable but sometimes I am...

TODAY'S DARE

Choose today to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation. Begin by making a list of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. Then list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life.

Love Is Not Rude...

2012-01-02T09:35:00.000-08:00

Today is Barney's and my final day off to celebrate the arrival of a new year. Tomorrow will find us back to the daily 9-5 (or in our case 8:30-3:30 and 7:30-4 respectively) grind. Neither of us are looking forward to it as we've had a delightful (save the swelling and pain in my face on Friday) time as a family, this morning being no exception.

Rocky "let me" sleep till almost 7. Ok that is only a partial truth-he was up at 5:30 but I took a risk-I got up and gave him his binky and then climbed back into bed myself. It was a risk worth taking because he fell back to sleep himself! This is something I am going to revisit on Saturdays and Sundays to see if I can't "train him" to automatically sleep till 7. Hmm...

From there showers were taken, Barney dressed Rocky and we headed to breakfast. We wanted to try a hole in the all place Barney was told about, but came to find that they were closed until tomorrow for the holiday themselves. So we ended up at a chain and then decided to take a walk around the mall.

When we got home Barney and I set about re-organizing the hall closet. Somewhere along the way it had become infested with STUFF! STUFF was EVERYWHERE and much of the STUFF was unrelated. Now however the STUFF that does relate resides in a rubber maid container in our former walk through closet-that is now an over stuffed storage unit and the closet now houses the vacuum, rug scrubber, and three winter coats-STUFF that SHOULD be in a hall closet! Hmf.

Now, Rocky is asleep and Barney is stumbling though the interweb reading about foot ball and other sports that I find mundane while I sought out today's love dare and blogged...and let me tell you today's love dare...it's going to be HARD!

Today’s Dare

Ask your spouse to tell you three
things that cause him or her to be
uncomfortable or irritated with you.
You must do so without attacking them
or justifying your behavior. This is
from their perspective only.

It's going to be hard not because I don't think there are things about me that irritate my spouse...but because I don't want to have to change those behaviors...don't we all think we're perfect in our own way? Don't we all think that we are immune from annoying our spouses? Don't we all think its THEIR behavior that needs to change because THEY irritate us? After all, it isn't ME who leaves the toilet seat up...no, I simply leave my socks at the front door next to no less than 3 pair of shoes at any given time...but what is wrong with that? Hmm...

Happy New Year & Love Dare Day 4...Thoughtfulness

2012-01-01T06:21:00.000-08:00

Who would have thought that 2011 would end the way it did!

Barney and I are parents! I put a baby to bed in the room that just 365 days before housed a very unruly office! At this time last year Rocky was on his way, but no body knew it yet-certainly not I. Now as I blog he, our son, is laying in his fathers arms. Barney now accessorizes with a blue and green striped burp cloth instead of a silk tie. Sleeping in no longer means 9 a.m., but 6:30 if we're lucky-today we weren't, Rocky went to bed at his appointed time last night and awoke within 18 minutes of usual and while I didn't make it to the ball drop I wouldn't have it any other way.

Sadly 2012 (and each subsequent year) doesn't hold a sibling for Rocky, but the next 365 still has a lot in store for us individually and as a family. This year we will celebrate Barney's 36th, my 38th, and Rocky's 1st. We will hopefully move into a 2 story house-giving up our single floored life that we have grown so fond of. Working out side of the home for me may become a thing of the past-if we're able to upsize our living space while downsizing our living cost. Rocky will learn to roll over, crawl, and possibly even walk before the predicted Mayan end on December 12, 2012....and just as many who married on 09-10-11 will marry on 12-12-12 just because they can...but let us not rush this newly born year. Instead lets relish where we've been and where we have yet to go...

And now, for today's love dare-

We're on day four today--and the dare involves thoughtfulness.

Today’s dare is to contact your spouse sometime during the day. Ask how he’s doing and if there’s anything you could for them.

How precious also are Your thoughts to me…. How vast is the sum of them! if I should count them, they would outnumber the sand. Psalm 139:17-18

Without even knowing what the dare was today I had begun it without thinking. Barney had gone skiing yesterday and had taken a fall. He whipped his neck, and this morning was still feeling some pain. So when I "checked in" with him I got him some liquid and an analgesic-unprompted and unrehearsed...in return, he made sure to check in with me and asked how my mouth was feeling today....perhaps we didn't forget everything from our first trip with the love dare after all...

Happy New Year all! From my family to yours!

Love Is Not Selfish...

2011-12-31T03:59:00.000-08:00

Barney is going skiing today with the neighbors today so it's just Rocky and I.

Still, that doesn't mean I can't fulfill today's dare!

Today’s Dare

Whatever you put your time, energy, and

money into will become more important

to you. It’s hard to care for something

you are not investing in. Along with

restraining from negative comments,

buy your spouse something that says,

“I was thinking of you today.”

Again, giving credit where credit is due--Barney is good at this. Even though he is going skiing he is first at McD's getting me breakfast so I get a chance to eat something good and hot before he leaves me with the baby all day. Him, well he had mentioned that he would like the new Star Wars video game that is out for his console system--and well, since I have to return one of his Christmas gifts anyway...perhaps I will hit the gaming store and pick that up for him too...

Love Is Kind...

2011-12-30T06:35:00.000-08:00

Today's Dare is "complete an unexpected act of kindness for your spouse"

Oh how I would love to do this, but alas it is more Barney doing them for me...and while they aren't unexpected they are needed...you see I had a mishap last night...

We were given some gift cards for local restaurants over the Christmas holiday. One was to Applebee's. We aren't fans, so we decided to get that one out of the way first. Alas that was our mistake. I ordered the Riblet platter--bit into one and IMMEDIATELY fractured a tooth. An emergency trip to the dentist followed by a surgical extraction made for a less than stellar "date night"

So today while I am nursing a very swollen cheek, and downing anti-inflamatory meds that make me nauseated Barney has completely taken over baby duty--an unexpected act of kindness for sure! He not only got up with him but dressed him to boot and later is going to go to the store to get me some paper so I can work on my scrap booking.

I think I must take back the bad husband of the year award and perhaps chalk up our argument the other night to simple marital strife that is bound to occur on a perhaps cyclical basis...

Ah yes, love is kind...but unfortunately it's me receiving instead of giving...but I'm hopeful that by night fall I have found a way to give my unexpected act of kindness--perhaps I will make him dinner....

Love Is Patient...

2011-12-29T10:23:00.000-08:00

Earlier this year I embarked on the 40 day Love Dare, and was rather successful at it.

I had long ago viewed Fire Proof and enjoyed the message, but it wasn't until I revisited the movie that I really came to appreciate the Love Dare that the movie revolved around. The plot line was of a childless couple whose marriage was undergoing a great deal of stress and was showing signs of irreprerable fracture. One party viewed themselves as the injured, while the other viewed themselves as the great and powerful Oz who should be treated with respect, but once the Great and Powerful Oz began to look intraspectively and began to change outwardly utilizing the Love Dare principal the fractures began to mend, and the marriage once again was cememented.

So...I'm going to revisit the challenge again.

I don't believe my marriage is fractured, it's just changed. This year we have undergone a great amount of change. I became a mother, not just a wife. Barney became a father, not just a husband. Time that prior to 9/13 that would be spent either individually or independently is now consumed by diapers, bottles, and binkies. Casual Saturday mornings spent languishing in bed are now "I've got 10 minutes till the baby is awake I wonder if I can shave my legs" Money that once allowed us to take a weekend in New York is now ear marked for Pampers and Formula--and I'm not complaining and neither is Barney it's just different and often times different causes unspoken stress that builds until a non issue becomes one of great consternation...and I do not want that to happen.

See, Barney slept on the couch last night. Not by my demand, but simply because he fell asleep watching television (something he often does, but usually wakes up and comes to bed). At 1:30 when I awoke to check on the baby I also checked on him. My first response was to be snarky "Why are you being a jerk, sleeping on the couch instead of the bed?" I wanted to yell-but instead I covered him up with an afghan, turned off the tv and light and proceeded to check on an equally calm and happy baby. As I went back to our empty bed I couldn't sleep--what if I had started screaming? What would that have accomplished? What am I mad about? That Barney is asleep on the couch or that we had a moment of strife?

This morning before he left Barney was carrying Rocky's extra car seat to his nursery and I stopped him. I wrapped my arms around him and apologized for being so unyielding in my presense the night before. He in turn apologized for his missteps--we shared a sincere hug, and promised each other that we would work on being more patient with each other. It was then that I confessed my desire to be passive agressive while he was sleeping, and that I was grateful that it hadn't come to that head.

As I thought more on it...I realized that it's more important than ever to put the principals of the Love Dare into practice and that it is vital as both a wife and a mother that I treat BOTH of the men in my life with the same care and consideration. How can I be a patient mother if I am not a patient wife?

So...today I begin...

Today is Day 1 of 40

and todays challenge is...

Day 1 Dare: Resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all and so far...so good...lets just hope that the remaining 11 hours and 27 minutes of the day go as well...

Good Father...Crappy Husband...

2011-12-28T18:29:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure if its the time of year, or if it is just Barney's personality but he has been a really crappy husband as of late. Don't get me wrong, he is an excellent father-he works a 40 hour week, he sings to Rocky, he takes the garbage out but there is more to being a good husband than just that.

It is very hard for me to equate how the man who sings his child the ABC's, or the theme song to the W@nder Pets can then yell at me for trying to sort through an HR issue in regards to Rocky's health insurance. I'm sorry but there needs to be a certain amount of follow through--if company A can follow state law and put a child on an insurance policy with a different last name because they are being adopted and do not yet have a SS # then certainly company B (insurance effective 1/1/2012) can place the child on the policy with his "new" last name even though his birth certificate has yet to be issued and he has no SS # since we have his final adoption decree from the JUDGE! So if you're unwilling, and your HR person who has had the decree since 12-16 seems to be unwilling to find out HOW to accomplish it then I will-but do NOT scream at me because I did!

I grew up in a house that was full of strife-- there was a father who was more often than not out of work, and a mother who had a very short passive aggressive fuse. We never knew if we would come home from work to find either in tears-and if we did we knew it meant DAYS of sleepless nights, and very loud arguments to follow. I refuse to allow Rocky to grow up in even a remotely like situation. Now I know that spouses argue--we're human, but at the same time when a pattern repeats its self as often as the moon cycles then there is the likelihood for problems.

I of course don't hold myself blameless--I very much like my mother know exactly what buttons to push to get exactly the right reaction-and I pushed them tonight. I then woke Rocky up by being louder than needed to be. I then wrote this down on my blog so that you can all *Tsk* and shake your heads.

It's cathartic to write it out...but self deprecating to push publish...but dishonest if I don't...

Barney wins father of the year, and crappy husband of the millennium.

Mother of the year...well that doesn't come close to me because I'm far from it...but the intolerant wife award...let me clean off a shelf so that I can show it off prominently.

On The Third Day Of Christmas...

2011-12-26T17:24:00.000-08:00

If you wish to catch up on our adventures from Christmas Eve please do so now...

If you wish to catch up on our adventures from Christmas Day please do so now...

If you wish to see the photos from Rocky's horse that is mentioned in the Christmas Day post you may do so now...

If you wish to hear about our fourth Christmas in three days...well you're about to now because you're here!

Rocky, Barney and I got up this morning and headed to breakfast. We had a buy one get one free coupon that was only good for today. Unfortunately I had forgotten that I don't like this particular establishments scrambled eggs. Even when they are well done they taste weird. Still, we enjoyed a good nosh and then headed to the mall.

Barney scored two new pair of fleece pajama pants which he won't wear to sleep, but will wear to lounge in...until I covet them enough that I end up wearing them myself and he decides that possession is 9/10ths of the law and they ultimately belong to me. While he was finding his pants I was finding next years ornament for Rocky--it is a baseball sock monkey!

I also found a pink cow ornament for my sister in law who just happens to be a large animal vet on a dairy farm. I know its kind of like giving a teacher a mug with an apple on it...but it's a PINK COW with a feather on it! On the lower level of the mall I scored a new turtle neck and a really soft sweater as well as two new candles from Yankee on sale for 50% off. Then we headed home.

Rocky took a nap, and I folded what seemed like a months worth of his tiny laundry. Then we headed out to our fourth Christmas in three days...once again Rocky was spoiled...and yes I have photos...but his patience for tummy time is over and we do NOT cry it out....

A Horse Is A Horse...Unless ofcourse...

2011-12-26T08:38:00.000-08:00

I have no idea where we're going to keep him...but it will make a great photo prop for sure!

I have a feeling that as Rocky grows that "Mr. Ed" will become a favorite of his!

On The Second Day of Christmas (Christmas Day)...

2011-12-25T18:46:00.000-08:00

We have had such a blessed Christmas this year. It was so different having Rocky with us this year. Some traditions fell by the wayside (until Rocky is older or has moved out of the house) while others were created and it is not at all lost on me that our greatest gift came at the expense of someone else making a sacrifice. While the majority of my focus has been on our blessing of Rocky-of God's grace being made evident in form I at times found my mind wandering to his original family and wondering how they are doing on this day...While I try to remember to pray for them daily (though I often don't I will be honest) I must make it a special point to invoke their names tonight...before that however I wish to share Rocky's first Christmas today...

Barney "allowed" me to sleep in by closing our bedroom door which means I couldn't hear Rocky when he rose this morning. When I did finally stir it was suggested that we go to a pancake house that is known "internationally" and refuses to release their nutritional information for breakfast. We noshed on our sampler, and pumpkin pancakes and remembered to thank our server for volunteering to work on this holiday (of course Barney reminded me that she probably made extra money for doing so), but I still appreciated their efforts which meant I didn't have to crack and egg or fry the bacon today.

When we returned home we loaded the back of my station wagon with our gifts and headed to Barney's parents house. Barney's sister who is only 13 1/2 months younger than he has never met Rocky, but that didn't stop her from spoiling him.

She bought him (and his cousin whom is 4 months older and a girl) stuffed horses that they can "ride" complete with saddle, and bridle. My first though was "WOW, that is big...where are we going to put that?" She also gave him 2 gift cards for toy and babies are us, a pop up book, and a pair of over alls with a camo shirt. Her only request--please send me a photo with his horse. I would have liked to have indulged her today but Rocky soon became over whelmed and over stimulated with all the people, and gifts that were tossed his way.

His Grandma Rubble

and his uncle

his grandpa, and his other Aunt all took a turn at spoiling our little man too. He came home with not only the horse, but 3 new onesies, a pair of pj's, a blanket, a stuffed cow, some new bath toys, towels, and a bag full of toys that are too numerous to list individually and we as his parents came home with three gift cards for various eateries--I see a date night in our future!

Our next stop took us to my parents house where even more chaos ensued.

Six grandchildren between ages of 14 and 3 months old makes for a LOUD evening. Of course the highlight wasn't even the gifts that Rocky received, but what we gave my Mom. A framed photo of the 6 in birth order

Rocky was again passed around between two aunts, three cousins, one granmda, one grandpa, and an uncle who all wanted to hold him at various times--so by the end of the evening he was not wishing to be held by anyone...even an adoring older cousin whom is himself my favorite

Feeling sorry for our little Santa we bid everyone a good night-forgetting his infant car seat in our haste (he rides in a rear facing convertible seat) and quickly crossed over the river, and traveled back through the woods to return to our abode where Rocky got a quick bath, an even quicker bottle and then fell deeply into a much needed slumber while I took inventory....lets just say that Rocky received so many clothes that his hamper was full enough to justify doing another full load of laundry.

Tomorrow we will be home all morning...but will be spending the afternoon with Rocky's extended family--the woman who made it possible for Rocky to become a Rubble and to spend his first Christmas as a Rubble.

The Three Days Of Christmas-Christmas Eve

2011-12-24T08:20:00.000-08:00

Christmas at our house is never just 1 day. Since Barney was in the military we've celebrated our gift exchange on Christmas Eve, and we decided this year to do the same. I'm certain at some point in the future that we will do the "Santa" thing on Christmas morning with Rocky, but for now he was more interested in taking a nap than actually opening his presents. Still that didn't mean I wasn't going to make him cooperate or at least tolerate some photos to document this Christmas Eve.

First nap without Swaddleme! Does this mean maybe we can slowly get away from needing to be swaddled?

He was quite upset when Daddy told him that eating his sequin covered stocking was probably not the best idea...

I did not need anything wrapped in paper this year as I had already gotten the best gift ever in September!

Rocky however was quite pleased with his stash. A new ring stacker, some tool rattles, and a new Carters outfit rounded out his gifts from Mom and Dad. Grandma also dropped off some formula, wipes, and a case of diapers too...and has informed me that there is more for tomorrow...so much for keeping it simple...

UPDATED 3:45 EST

We just got home from an afternoon with Rocky's God Parents. We had a lovely lunch at a fabulous steak house. Life before Rocky would have found Barney and I heading there now for an early dinner while debating what movie to see after...but alas, we've already eaten and Rocky is napping before I change us into our church clothes. What a great Christmas Eve!

Rocky is one lucky Babe let me tell you. Not only did we have a wonderful afternoon of companionship with his God family, but he was also spoiled there as well.

Rocky is now the proud owner of an Exersaucer Mega

His feet on the lowest setting barely reach the ground and he remains somewhat wobbly given that he is only 3 1/2 months old, but soon he will delight in his very own command center...and do you spy what I do on his head?

Yup, its a SOCK MONKEY HAT with matching gloves!

Now if we only had snow in Bedrock...

New Meaning (also Thankful Thursday)

2011-12-22T06:53:00.000-08:00

I missed Thankful Thursday last week, but that doesn't mean it wasn't on my mind. I just go lazy...

I'm so blessed that on Sunday morning we will wake up and be celebrating Christmas with our son.

I'm thankful that we had such a great judge who was able to expedite our adoption proceedings. I'm realizing now after reading so many blogs, and hooking up with other adoptive Mom's that this NEVER happens so quickly!

I'm thankful that even though our insurance is changing in January that we still have really good coverage.

I'm thankkful that my Mom is in good enough health to watch Rocky 2 days a week, and that she is spending the night tonight so she can watch him for a 1/2 day tomorrow since our Friday sitter can't.

I'm thankful that we will be spending the three days of Christmas (eve, day, after) with friends and family whom we adore.

I'm thankful that I was able to experience want, loss, and finally the joy of parenthood--for without want and loss I wouldn't have appreciated the gift as much as I do.

Finally--I don't know why, but this Elton John song has been in my head all day...and the lyrics just are stuck there...with new meaning...

Hey you, you’re a child in my head
You haven’t walked yet
Your first words have yet to be said
But I swear you’ll be blessed

I know you’re still just a dream
your eyes might be green
Or the bluest that I’ve ever seen
Anyway you’ll be blessed

And you, you’ll be blessed
You’ll have the best
I promise you that
I’ll pick a star from the sky
Pull your name from a hat
I promise you that, promise you that, promise you that
You’ll be blessed

I need you before I’m too old
To have and to hold
To walk with you and watch you grow
And know that you’re blessed

perhaps its because it's Ovidrel night...or perhaps its because Rocky was for so long a dream...but no matter what he is blessed...and so are we!

Live From New York (or Buttercup Land) its Sock Monkey Night!

2011-12-19T18:02:00.000-08:00

There are two things I look forward too when I put my car in park at the end of the day. The first is spying Rocky for the first time in 7 hours and the second (at this time of the year) is seeing who has sent us a Christmas card this year, and as of late there have been many-more I'm afraid than I have sent only because I ran out so imagine my surprise this afternoon when there was a large manila envelope in my box today along with a few marked Hallm@rk.

I spied the return address and smiled when I saw that it was from Buttercup (if you haven't read her please stop by. She is bound to put a smile on your face) who lives and blogs from New York, which causes me to lust after her adventures. When I picked Rocky up from his torturous tummy time and clipped him into his car seat I said "Rocky, Auntie Buttercup sent you something!" although she had addressed the envelope to entire Rubble clan I knew for sure that it was meant for Rocky even though I had yet to ~~eagerly tear the envelope to shreds~~ gently open the envelope in a mature fashion to see what might be inside. Once I had reached the treasure an even larger smile splayed across my face when inside the adorable Christmas tissue paper lay a sock monkey ornament!

If you've been reading my blog for any period of time you know I have a slight obsession with Sock Monkeys. Had Barney allowed it, and had I been able to find coordinating bedding I'm almost positive that Rocky's nursery would have been the grey and white primate instead of the clouds and bi-planes that grace the walls instead.

I'm not quite sure if Rocky shares my adoration of the chimp, or if he is just entering the oral stage of his development for immediately after hugging Monkey he tried to eat him. Which when I told him was unacceptable led to thi

Vocalization of his displeasure...but its all good because Sock Monkeys and that baby are just a few of my favorite things...now if only I could go to New York...

Thank you so much Buttercup for this adorable gift! Rocky will cherish it as much as I will in the years to come! Thank you my friend!

Officially Introducing Rocky Bernard Rubble...

2011-12-16T11:57:00.000-08:00

This morning we dressed Rocky in his borrowed three piece suit.

and then we posed as a family in front of our names on the wall. "In a few hours you will be official" we told him.

then we headed to the court house and waited in the grand hall that is under renovation outside of court room #3.

I was surprised with myself. I wasn't at all nervous, nor was I concerned. It was as if this was an every day occurrence-finalizing the adoption of our son. I was so relaxed in fact that I almost lost track of time until Barney said "It's 9:20 we should probably go in..."

We sat through a few motions and then laughed to ourselves when the judge admonished a trio of attorneys who were taking the courts time to introduce themselves to each other. "You don't approach the bench without knowing one another" she sternly advised "why don't you step outside and make your introductions and then come back in when you're better prepared" After that she and her bailiff cleared the courtroom and pulled the blinds while we stepped forward-Rocky in arms. "Is that Rocky?" She asked, and we affirmed.

"Mr. Attorney would you step forward she asked?" as Barney, Rocky and I took our seats behind the defendants table. While it was to be off the record she sternly admonished our legal aid for the amount of money he was charging us for his council. "How can you justify this?" she would ask, or would say "you don't do that yourself you use a paralegal" when he would rebutt with something stupid such as "Well they called with a lot of questions" she would respond with gestures "Then you tell them STOP CALLING and hang up the phone, what is your next excuse?" While we knew what was going on the gallery (mom, dad, Rocky's Godmother, and our intermediary) did not-but it didn't matter for finally the judge said her peace and demanded that he get on with it.

After reviewing and confirming that in our attorneys possession was our marriage certificate, our criminal background checks, Rocky's original birth certificate, and a few other pieces of paper they asked Barney what we wished for Rocky's name to be. After that it was my turn to be sworn in. I reaffirmed everything that Barney had sworn to be true, and only choked up once when I was asked "Why do you want to adopt this child?" as which point so did the gallery-kleenex for all.

At the end the judge said "I here by decree that legally and formally that this child be hereby named Rocky Bernard Rubble. Congratulations on your family"

Before banging her gavel however she had one more thing to add. "I want this to be on the public record. Adoption, Mr. Attorney should not only be for the wealthy and the reason I called you up here was not to make anyone worry but to make you rethink what you have charged your clients. We want to encourage people to adopt, and if it's made to be that only the wealthy can afford it then we are doing everyone a disservice. Your clients are not wealthy, so you will remit your billing to the court, and you will reimburse them for the monies you charged for travel as this could have been handled in XYZ county instead of ABC which would have reduced their fees further. Now, lets take some pictures!"

With this piece of paper it was decreed that from here on out Rocky, who has been our son in our hearts since we knew he was ours is now legally, officially, and forever our boy too. In 4-6 weeks we will be able to obtain his birth certificate that lists Elizabeth Rubble as his mother, and Bernard Rubble as his father...and with that we officially introduce Rocky Bernard Rubble-DOB 09/13/2011

Just Some Glitter and Modgepodge...

2011-12-14T06:20:00.000-08:00

Rocky has a myriad of First Christmas ornaments. He has a silver rattle with austrian crystals, a "bread dough" bottle with his name and year on it, a moose in an airplane (his nursery is done in an aviator theme), and of course my (old) personal favorite our family one that denotes our positions in the family...but now, thanks to my discovery of all things pinterest I was able to make my new favorite ornament with the help of Rocky's God Mother, some glitter and a little bit of modgepodge.

I had really hoped to do his hand print as I already had his foot cast in plaster of paris but he had other ideas...

He would sit happily reclined in his space saving high chair and allow us to "paint" his hand with modgepodge, and he would then immediately form it into a fist. If we were lucky enough to splay his fingers and actually begin to wrap them around the ornament he would inevitably attempt to get his hand folded back into a fist. After a few attempts that looked less than stellar we came up with the idea of just using his foot.

For this we used the same method-paint the bottom of his still lined flat foot with Modgepodge and then "roll" the rounded ornament from his heal to the tip of his toes. 3 out of the 4 ornaments we were able to capture the area without having to repeat the process. By the 4th however he decided that crunching his toes instead of splaying them was in order-thus, we had a few mulligans before we decided that we had capture the perfect image.

The fun part was watching as the glitter began to cling to the gluey surface and the tiny little foot that will grace our tree (and Grandma Stoney's, and his God Mothers, and his birth mothers) for years to come. Of course no project would be complete without pulling out the Cricut...and since my gypsy is FINALLY working again I had no excuse but to imbellish our project...which otherwise would have been complete with just some glitter and modgepodge...

Instructions**:

4-LARGE clear (or white) Christmas ornaments (found ours at Hobby Lobby, but Michaels sell them year around too)

1 (or two if your really creative) containers of SMALL flake glitter

1 small container modgepodge

1 small foam brush

Find a non squirming infant or small child (preferably one whom you have custody of--do not abduct anyone for this project, it is NOT worth a felony on your record!)

Set said small child in child holding receptical where they will not fall, but more importantly will not cover your surfaces in glue or glitter!

Clean outside of ornament with windex

Proceed to paint the bottom of said small persons hand, or foot with modgepodge. YOU WILL NEED TO WORK QUICKLY.

Hold small persons appendage to to the surface of the clean dry ornament.

Sprinkle glitter over the modgepodged area of the ornament and then allow to dry.

**some of these instructions are tounge in cheek, but this is how to arrive at the same end result with your own child**

It's Different...

2011-12-12T08:08:00.000-08:00

Every December since 2008 has brought with is a sense of meloncholy.

December 15/16 (depending on which due date calculator you believe) marked the date in which Bam-Bam would have been born, or would have celebrated another birthday. This year the date will come, and while it's not different in that he should be with us, and he should be turning three my reaction to it is different.

While we adore Rocky and its obvious that Rocky is becoming increasingly smitten with his Daddy and I, I'm honest and objective enough to know that had we delivered Bam-Bam alive and well that Rocky would not be our son. Instead of planning on what time to leave for court on Friday we would instead be planning on what color cups and plates to use at Bam's party on Saturday. Instead of planning to atttend Barney's luncheon at work after the hearing and brunch with those who will be helping celebrate Rocky's adoption we would both be at work-he going to his luncheon after and I watching the clock tick the minutes slowly by...but that didn't happen. Instead, we lost Bam-Bam and in years prior to this I lamented that, but this year it's different...

Periodically I have thought about Bam-Bam and wondered what his three year old self would be doing at that moment. This is especially true when I trip over a boucer seat, or I find a binky in the wash, or I am changin my second poopy diaper of the morning, but then I tell Rocky "your big brother's birthday would have been this week..." and he smiles and then I smile. I smile not because of what we've lost, but because of what we've gained....and it is different...and it is good...and next year I will be able to say to Rocky "Today is the day you officially became our son-the day your last name changed to Rubble" but in the back of my head I will mark the day with a thought of "I wonder how different it would be if Bam-Bam was turning 4..."

That Which Doesn't Kill You...

2011-12-09T07:55:00.000-08:00

I would die a thousand deaths for Rocky, and I would not regret it. However I must say...knowing what a pain in the tookus adopting without the assistance of an agency is I will NOT do it again! Seriously.

I think a lot of the "problem" is our attorney.

Explain to me how a "straight forward adoption" as he put it goes from being in the single digit thousands of dollars to well over the double digits? Oh well, I actually know that one--let me send the client paper work--have them review it, sign it and send it back only to bill said clients for the email AND the paper work THEN let me email them AGAIN with a "revised" copy for the same paper work and then just to make sure that we have the correct information allow me to email the client with the FINAL version of said paper work--thus allowing said clients (us) to be billed THREE TIMES for the SAME information! Also, allow client to "call or email at any time" with questions or concerns then BILL THEM FOR each EMAIL you receive! Or my personal favorite--ENCOURAGE the birth parents to call if THEY have any questions or concerns prior to the birth of the child--THEN call the adoptive parents to give PERMISSION for the attorneys office to even SPEAK to the birth parents and bill for EVERY PHONE call--the birth mothers (1), the attorneys (3)-1 for answering the phone, 1 for calling the adoptive parents, and 1 for calling the birth parents back)and no I'm not kidding.

Then, just for kicks...a week before you're to finalize the adoption and tell said adoptive parents that THE HOSPITAL NEVER REGISTERED THE CHILDS BIRTH thus you still are not in possession of said childs birth certificate! BUT, continue to send emails advising that judges chambers needs a certified copy of his medical certificate BUT fail to SEND said medical certificate-thus causing three more emails to be dispensed. Then answer original question "Will this delay in registering his birth delay his adoption?" The answer--"We will tell the judge that vital records is failing to cooperate" OK, now I'm not sure how this can be anyones fault BUT YOUR OWN!!! You as the attorney were aware that YOU needed to request Rocky's birth certificate when he was a MONTH old--he is now THREE months old--you also know as a newer parent yourself that it only takes 4 weeks to receive a birth certificate. SO...given thse two pieces of information would you not start calling vital records AND the hospital when you didn't receive it in that alotted time INSTEAD of waiting until ONE WEEK prior to the adoption hearing? SERIOUSLY???

Don't get me wrong, I'm totally in love with this baby and wouldn't change a minute with him. He is NOT the problem. The process is the problem, and it's driving me batty! Of course I write this down not simply to complain, but so that we never forget. On many levels this has been a very smooth process--yes, we had birth parent issues, we've had attorney issues, and we even had hospital issues the day he was born...but at the end of the day the threads that were knotted noose tight were untied and we were able to proceed further along the tight rope that has brough us a few steps closer to the end of the line--his adoption.

Do You Have A Minute? AKA Easy Holiday Recipes

2011-12-08T06:12:00.000-08:00

I love this time of year-well actually it starts in the fall with all of the baking possibilities. Anything pumpkin is a favorite of mine. Pumpkin pie with a mixture of cinnamon, nutmeg, and a really good sweet cream topped with a dollup of whipped yumminess. Divine. Hence why I can be found in the dog days of August making one up just to indulge my craving. Christmas however brings about different creations, and many of them are quick and easy and perfect for a yummy gift or treat!

The first recipe I will share with you is One Minute fudge. You will want to get a pencil. It's a very hard recipe...so I will wait...

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Ok, you're back.

One Minute Fudge

1 NON WHIPPED can of frosting (very important DO NOT BUY WHIPPED!)
1 Bag chips
1 9x9 baking dish (disposable works best, but you can line a glass or metal pan with foil as well)

Put the chips in a bowl, and proceed to melt the frosting for ONE MINUTE in the microwave. When melted add to the chips-mix well until smooth. Add to the 9x9 pan and allow to set for at least 2 hours in the refridgerator. Once set you can cut into bite sized pieces.

*You can use any combination of chips and frosting, but these are what I have found work best*

Milk Chocolate icing with peanut butter chips
Milk Chocolate icing with andes candies bits
Milk chocolate icing with milk chocolate bits

WHITE chocolate chips with lemon,(or not and) strawberry, vanilla icing

You can however experiment with any flavor combo you wish!

Now if your Jonesing for some pumpkin here is another hard one...

Easy Pumkin Muffins

1 SMALL can of pumpkin (NOT the pumpkin pie mix)
1 box of any brand spice cake.

Mix the pumpkin into the cake

Bake in cupcake wrappers at 350 degrees for 15 minutes

and finally a fun one that my niece has enjoyed making with me since she could hold a spoon...

Reindeer Droppings

1 bag SEMI SWEET chocolate chips
1 bag peanut butter chips
peanuts
raisins

Melt 1 full bag of chocolate chips and 1/2 bag of peanut butter chips in double broiler or in the microwave, mixing until smooth.

Add peanuts and raisins to taste.

Drop onto waxed paper or foil to make "reindeer droppings"

There are simple and fun recipies that can be made with your little ones help, or without-but I can tell you they have just as much fun making them as they do eating them! You can then give them as gifts to co-workers, the mail man, teachers and more! Or, you can do what I do...make a batch for yourself and have a nice holiday snack!

Happy Holidays!

It Doesn't Matter...

2011-12-06T21:28:00.000-08:00

Rocky is my son. Period end of discussion so it frustrates me when people choose to put the disclaimer of "adopted" in the mix. It's not because I think less of him because he is adopted, but because it simply doesn't matter to me...

I guess it has always bothered me when I read an obituary and it states:

Mary Jones aged 90. Preceeded in death by her husband John,

sister Jane (Austin) Lewis, and brother Matthew (Elizabeth). Mary is

survived by daughter Alice (Edward) Smith, and adopted son

Isaac (Rebecca) Jones. Funeral to be held at 10 on

Tuesday.

Seriously does it matter that Isaac was adopted at birth when his mother was 37-making it some 53 odd years ago? Really?

We're lucky in that Rocky looks like us. I'm blond, so is he. I have green eyes, he has blue. I have a dimple in my chin and so does he. Several people have said "if we didn't know he was adopted we wouldn't question that he is biologically related to you" and again I say "it doesn't matter" What if he was of another ethnicity? It would then be quite obvious that I didn't give birth to him,would you still insist on declaring that he is adopted?

If that is the case how do I answer the stranger who says "Oh is he yours?" Well technically yes--on the 16th of December his adoption will be final, but no he really isn't mine. You see, he's adopted. That is ridiculous and uncomfortable-so the answer is "Yes, he is mine" Unlike when I have my nieces or nephews--"Oh your little girl is so cute." Well thank you, but she is my niece, but I am sure her mother would be pleased to hear that. Not uncomfortable but the truth.

I don't know why this bothers me so much...I guess maybe its because of the adopted children I have known who are my peers. Each and every one of them feels the need to add "I'm adopted" Yet when I introduce myself it isn't "Hi my name is Betty-I'm biological" It truly doesn't matter...I know it will to Rocky, but it doesn't to me. As my mother said today "I couldn't love this baby any more had you given birth to him" We have a medical history for him, so it isn't like his children won't be able to say "My maternal grandmother had a heart condition" they will know that--so ultimately it shouldn't matter to them either--there will be no blanks....and I can promise that my obituary won't read "the adoptive son of Betty Rubble" either...because I can certainly promise by then...it really wont' matter...I will be dead...

Wonderful Indeed...

2011-12-05T19:07:00.000-08:00

My little Santa baby got to see the big elf himself on Sunday. Barney had the most wonderful idea of going to the mall before it opened so that the line would either be short or non existent, and it was such a good idea that the whole of Bedrock (or so it seemed) did the same. First we stood in line for 45 minutes before the mall opened...

and were oh so happy when we finally reached the red carpet. I texted Barney who had been wandering around the few department stores that had opened early and advised him that we had arrived...his response "So you're looking at another hour then?" While I hoped not, he was ultimately right. He helped dull the boredom by bringing me a Vanilla Bean Frappe from St@r Bucks. YUM. I also had the pleasure of sharing the space in line with a little girl named Grace, her 6 month old brother Carson and her delightful parents. Rocky fell asleep with about 1/2 to go before we got near Santa which worried me, but ultimately proved a success because he was wide eyed and happy when it came time to share the spotlight.

I don't know what made me smile more-watching Santa coo over our son or watching Barney grinning from ear to ear as he watched Santa hold our son.

We had taken Dino to pet night last year to see this same Santa (well of course he's the same Santa, Betty! There is only ONE real Santa)..and here just a short year later here he was holding our son! When I mentioned this to Santa he said with a twinkle in his eye "You are certainly blessed with this little boy! It is wonderful isn't it?"

Before we left Santa gave us some advise for our visit next year. We're going to do some "drive by" visits at which Santa talks too, and holds Rocky's hands so they become "friends" The goal is that by the 4th visit Santa is no longer a stranger, but someone who is "Ok" to be held by. If not...it will still be wonderful indeed for there is nothing like being the parent to this miracle child...nothing more wonderful indeed....

False Alarm...

2011-12-04T05:38:00.000-08:00

December is NOT a check after all. Instead it's my PCOS rearing its lovely head again. Spot...Gush..nothing...SPOT...GUSH...PROVERA!

Yes, it's Provera time again. Sigh. I'm slightly disappointed, but it's for the best....the timing of a cycle that began on 12/2 was not ideal...of course a cycle that will begin later in the month is even less so for we will lose our current insurance on 01/01/2012...BUT...

Instead of lamenting this we are going to take the little boy to see the big old elf himself. Once Barney is out of the shower we will go to breakfast where the waitress will admire our precious bundle and I will indulge in pumpkin pancakes. It may have been a false start to add to our precious family, but I'm not going to be ungrateful for the gifts we do have.

Yup For Sure...It's Because Of The Baby...

2011-12-02T14:55:00.000-08:00

September--check

October--check

November--check

and now...December??? Yup check!

Apparently the baby has some kind of magic spell because for the FOURTH month in a row I'm cycling! What is even more amazing is that this is CD 27! Holy cow batman!

Just for giggles I decided to what an EDD would be if I were to wind up in the family way...9-7-2012. Rocky was born 9-13-2011. If lets say we follow a 14 day schedule that puts ovulation AKA insemination day on....12-16-2011. Anyone care to guess what 12-16-2011 is? Well, it has two meanings of significance this year...First it's Bam's due date. Second it's Rocky's adoption date! His hearing starts promptly at 9....

Oh I can see it now...Rocky and Barney in suits, myself in a dress; hose and heels. I bounce Rocky precariously only hosed clad knee while Barney ever so delicately makes his deposit. 1/2 hour later I debate cutting a hole in my hose so that I don't have to attempt taking them off less I put a run in them getting those buggers back on. I toss Rocky to Barney foot ball style and head back to the procedure room feeling guilty that we have brought a baby to an infertility clinic. I shove my bare feet in stirrups-sign the consent, confirm the bottle belongs to Barney and I then am told to "just relax" as I wonder if this will be a success, as I wonder if Rocky is getting restless, as I practice in my head giving short answers and remembering to NOT call the judge Ma'am but instead "Your Honor" when the RE is finished inseminating me I wait 15 minutes in a dimly lit room. Then I jump around getting my pantyhose in place, and making sure that I haven't tucked my skirt into the back of them. We rush home to pick up my mother and Rocky's God mother because they want to come to the hearing with us. "Where have you three been?" They will ask...and Barney and I will swallow hard and will mutter illegibly under our breathes...

It's daunting all right...but we are doing it because of the baby-he deserves a sibling...and if he gets one...Irish twins wouldn't be that bad...right?

Thankful Thursday...

2011-12-01T16:11:00.000-08:00

On Thanksgiving I made a promise to myself. I promised that it wouldn't just be during the holiday of Thanks that I would be grateful and put it out there for the world to see...and well in keeping with that promise this is the start of Thankful Thursday...

Things that I am thankful for...

My patient husband. While I would still lay my life on the line for him he knows that there is another man whom I would also lay down my life for, and that often times that man (all be him a very tiny little one) takes the priority.
I'm thankful that my husband is so patient, and willing to go the extra mile when there is something I very much want.
I'm grateful that because of my husbands patience that I was finally able to add Rocky's name to the wall by the front door.
I'm grateful that my Mom and Valley Girl watch Rocky for us-thus making it possible for me to still work and for us to remain in our current housing situation.
I'm grateful that my husbands company is finally on firm footing and that they will record a profitable year this year.
I'm so thankful every day for Rocky's birth parents.
I'm grateful for this opportunity to be a Mom.
I'm especially thankful that the bank realized NOT clearing my paycheck was THEIR error and not MINE and that they corrected it so speedily.

What are you grateful or thankful for on this Thursday? Are you willing to write it down even if it seems like it would be trivial to someone else...would you share with us today?

Santa Baby...

2011-11-29T11:29:00.000-08:00

I'm restraining myself from putting Rocky in his Santa sleeper-complete with hat until at least December 1st. I can not however restrain myself from taking pictures of him in front of his tree.

We have completed his shopping from Momma and Daddy. I'm going to follow the "Three Wise Men" idea of Christmas. He will receive 3 gifts from us so that he never loses the true meaning of the holiday. Sure he will feel under privileged when his friends share the bounty that was placed under theirs, but he will hopefully realize that he has received an even larger gift that was ushered in with the birth of Jesus. So...what is under the tree for my baby this year? Well he is the proud owner of a Fisher Price Ring Stacker, a Fisher Price tool shaped rattle set, and a brand new outfit from Carters that has a foot ball on the tooshie....and countless other stuff from his grandparents, aunts and uncles I'm sure...which is another reason why we're not going to go crazy!

Merry Christmas baby-love Santa aka Mommy

Oh Christmas Tree...

2011-11-27T07:01:00.000-08:00

In 1998 my wonderful husband started our Christmas Tree tradition. We would purchase our tree on Black Friday, and we would adorn it with nothing but Christmas balls and a special ornament that we had purchased at some point during the year. It could commemorate a trip we took, or a special moment, or it could be something that simply caught our eye. Of course in the back of my mind I assumed that the following year we would certainly have a Baby's First Christmas ornament hanging next to ours, alas ours would hang alone denoting our couple status for a number of Christmas' to come.

Sure we added a ball from Niagra Falls, a porcelain cup from St@rbucks, a sand dollar and king crab from two separate trips to Myrtle Be@ch, and of course the jelly bean from a factory tour of the Jelly Belly plant in Wisconsin. It never failed though for every year I hoped that next year would be the year that we'd finally add our child's ornaments to our collection. Alas, in 1998 Bam-Bam was supposed to have been 9 days old on Christmas Day, but instead he lay beneath the ivy and we failed to purchase a Christmas Tree that year. A friend however sent us an ornament for him anyway

When would the pitter patter of little feet come I wondered?

When would I hang a sock monkey on our tree?

Would I ever be able to put a Santa hat denoting that it's Baby's First Christmas at the top of our tree instead of an angel or Dad's star? Would it ever happen for me?

Despite these thoughts we never let it ruin the holidays. We had after all 1, then 5 nieces (2) and nephews (3) to buy for and while we weren't writing "From Mommy and Daddy" on the tags we never lost site that Christmas was about the birth of a child who would save us from ourselves. Yes, some years were harder than others, but every year I would pull out our ornaments and we would reminisce over a string of lights, and a twig of green...and this year was no different, but instead of only hanging our collection of ornaments on the tree we added new too, for it's not yet December 25th but we've already received the most precious gift that we will ever have the pleasure of unwrapping.

and in the most literal of senses it is his tree this year for we purchased new baby blue colored balls, and while we still hung the remanents of our last 13 years as a couple we also added those that denote that we're now a family...

I now can't wait for Christmas 2012 to come

because it will be all the more fun to pull out this years ornaments and tell Rocky of his first one in 2011...for finally on our tree hangs Baby's First Christmas Ornaments, and they have Rocky's name on them...what a gift indeed.

Giving Thanks...

2011-11-23T15:55:00.000-08:00

I'm not overtly religious, but do try to live as moral a life as humanly possible. Please not humanly-we are imperfect, and as such fail to meet the expectations of our creator. This is especially true when we fail to realize, much less profess or gratitude and thanksgiving for the gifts that are bestowed upon us. Of course every November, for the period of 24 hours we are reminding others on Faceb@@k, in email forwards, and in person to remember to be thankful...but what about the rest of the year?

Why do I fail to make a list every Thursday and proclaim for the world to hear what I am personally grateful to God for providing? Why do I fail to make a list on any given day that ends in Y for that matter? Sure, the trivialness of daily life and strife are ever present but does that make me any less grateful for the fact that I'm alive? Well, sometimes it does. Sometimes the grumbling and groaning are louder than the gratitude. I am however going to make a resolution for the next year-every Thursday my blog is going to be titled "Thankful Thursday..." I may have complained on Wednesday that my boss is a jerk, or that Barney failed to put the toilet seat down, or that Rocky was up at 3 a.m. again...but on Thursday I'm going find at least one thing from each of those days to be thankful for...and I"m going to start today...

I am so thankful to Rocky's birth parents. They could have decided to terminate the pregnancy, but instead chose to give him life.
I'm so thankful that Rocky's birth parents chose us to raise and parent and love this little boy.
I'm so thankful that our attorney is allowing us to make payments for services rendered instead of requiring the entire bulk of his fees to be paid up front.
I'm so thankful that we can't afford day care, and instead am blessed enough to have friends and family who pick up the slack and take great care or Rocky while we're at work.
I'm so thankful every day that Rocky smiles at me when I appear in his room at wake up time.
I'm so thankful that Barney and I both have jobs which allow us to feed, clothe, and educate our son.
I'm so thankful that we had to struggle to become a family for now that we are we appreciate all the little things that Rocky does even more.
I'm so thankful that we were able to travel around the United States and to be able to see all the things we have seen before being forced to slow down with a baby.
I'm so thankful that we have transportation, a home, clothes, and food on a regular basis.
I'm so thankful we don't have every want met, but that our very need is

The list could, and should go on and on...but you get the idea. I am forever going to be thankful for my son, and that will probably top the list from now until I stop writing on this blog. I want both he and Barney to always be on the list-for even when they are both on my last nerve (and they both will be) I want to and need to remember that I am grateful for them-for without them what am I but a lonely mortal living a life that wouldn't be nearly as full or as colorful without my current cast of charicters...

So tell me, will you join me in Thankful Thursdays? Or will you simply complain and rant until the Thanksgiving holiday comes around next November only to forget it on Black Friday as you trample over the people in front of you at Wal-Rocks door because they have a video game system on sale half price?

Christened...

2011-11-20T15:11:00.000-08:00

While I am certain that some babies have a poster sized photograph of their coming home photo I am also certain that not many have a poster sized puzzle of their coming home photo that was put together during a sermon about them at their baptism.

Rocky was baptized today by the woman who brought us together with his birth mother. Originally we were going to "borrow" my sisters church for the occasion, but Bab's asked if she could please have a service dedicated to the miracle that is my son, and who were we to say NO? Yes the distance would have been less, more people could have attended, and the service wouldn't have been as long but you know what...I'm so glad we drove the 2 hours, had only a handful of close friends and family, and sat through an hour long sermon before we watched the water be sprinkled on Rocky's head.

I lived our story, I live it every day but I couldn't help but allow the tears to fall as Bab's recounted our story through her sermon as each piece of the literal puzzle was put together. The congregation gasped when they heard that the only reason Bab's was in the right place at the right time was because she was asked to do a funeral, and later came to find out the name we chose for Rocky was that of the son of the woman she had buried-and that he too had been placed for adoption and his adoptive parents chosen the same name as we. At the end of the sermon when Bab's asked that the Rubble family come to the front of the sanctuary we were given a standing ovation and I cried again.

Rocky on the other hand didn't seem to be phased by the sprinkling of water that marked his baptism. Instead he cried after it was all over when we re-enacted it for photos later.

My only regret of the day is that I put the batteries in the camcorder upside down which prevented us from having it on video...but I will forever cherish the memory in my minds eye...

And yes...the last photo says it all...God Bless Isaac Jacob...

I Told You So...

2011-11-18T16:24:00.000-08:00

Barney informed tonight that he had some good news, and some potentially bad news.

The good news--his company will continue to partially sponsor their insurance plan 1/1/2012-12/31-2012. This was always a given as the company has always provided our health, dental, and eye glass coverage for a fraction of what most of our friends pay for their premiums.

The bad new--his company is dropping green and yellow make this color cross and shield in favor of health (the country) we live in. Ugh.

I suppose it could be worse, they could have opted for the monopoly known as the giant health care conglomeration that is trying to take over our region. So I suppose it could have been worse.

Working in the health care industry myself I know how lucky we were to have the insurance provided we currently do until December 31st. Our deductible is for labs, and x-rays ONLY. We can go to ANY provider we want without a referral. Our co-pays are reasonable, and our health care OUTSTANDING...granted they didn't cover IVF, but they did cover some things-and it was enough to at least let us TRY to have a biological baby and I can't complain about that!

Still Barney and I were talking and have decided that IF the cost of this new, less stellar plan is more than our "gold card plan" then we will likely decline it. Rocky will be eligible for coverage under the CHIP program--which we will contribute too, while Barney and I will forgo insurance in favor a self pay program which could possibly cost less long term than paying an insurance premium on a high deductible covers less plan....but what if you get pregnant Betty? The $1000 question!

With luck AF will arrive on the 6th of December as she has for the past three cycles. If she does, and if we can get in with the RE we will be able to induce ovulation for right around Christmas. If I would become pregnant then we would certainly need to re-evaluate...but isn't that what life is all about? Planning, speculation and the occasional--I told you so?

Not So Little...

2011-11-15T18:19:00.000-08:00

Rocky's 2 month appointment was today.

My little 7 lb 7 oz baby who was 19 inches at birth is now a whopping 11 pounds 8 ounces and is a long 21 1/2 inches! He is not so little any more! Barney had an appointment at my office this morning which meant that Rocky got to visit, and that was the resounding comment "Oh my gosh he is so big!"

He also received his 2 month shots-minus the roto virus. I was unsure if I wanted to have anything but his polio and his repeat Hep-B but after a long discussion with Dr. Slate he received all the mandatory ones. What I LOVE about Dr. Slate is that he didn't make me feel stupid when I questioned having them all done. He even asked before they were given I felt coerced, or bullied into giving them. He also said that we can always visit which ones to give and which ones to with hold at any time during his schedule which made me feel even better. Over all Rocky did well. I held his head and his hands and told him I loved him while looking in his eyes. He didn't even cry with the first one, but the second and third he did. When they were done I picked him up and hugged him tightly and he immediately calmed down.

He has been pretty good tonight. No sign of fever, no sign of seizures, and no signs of any adverse reactions. He has been the tiniest bit fussy when it was close to bed time, but that is normal for him so it's hard say if it's from the injections or if it's just Rocky being Rocky.

My not so little guy doesn't have to go back to the doctors-save any illnesses until January 17th. One month and one day after his name becomes Rubble-something his pediatrician is just as excited about as we are "You make sure you alert the front desk immediately!" he proclaimed "I don't ever want you to receive anything with the name Smith on it." Those won't be the only changes the next time Rocky sees Dr. Slate...my little baby will surely not be so little then...

The Wound Has Healed....

2011-11-14T12:37:00.000-08:00

On April 8, 2008 I discovered that my period wouldn't be starting any time soon for I was pregnant.

On December 16, 2008 I was supposed to give birth to my first child.

Instead on May 1st I had a miscarriage.

This year on that date, December 16th instead of lamenting the loss of one son I will be celebrating another. You see, today the judge signed off on Rocky's termination of his birth parents parental rights. Our intermediary answered the question "Do you feel that the Rubble's provide Rocky with a loving home and will make suitable parents?" with "In my heart of hearts I believe this to be true."

I didn't even have to testify, but Barney did. After his testimony the judge said "I have every thing I need." Then with the swish of a pen she signed custody over to us, and terminated the rights of his birth parents. "Do you want to schedule the adoption hearing now?" She asked, and we answered "It's already been done" and with that an old wound completely scabbed over...

Termination...

2011-11-13T18:34:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow at 1 p.m. in court room number 2 Rocky's fate will be sealed. His birth parents will no longer have any legal or physical rights to him, and we thirty days later will walk out of the same court room a family-not just a family on paper, but a legal family. The idea of it makes my heart pound.

My heart doesn't pound because I'm afraid of it, but because I'm still afraid that someone could say NO. My heart pounds because until the judge puts pen to paper and issues the decree that someone could pull the rug out from under my feet. I still can't believe that this has happened to us. We aren't people who could afford IVF. We aren't people who go to an adoption agency and have a young mother who picks our photo out of a glossy book of pictures. Rocky is a miracle in so many ways...

Rocky is my son. Rocky is the love of my life (after Barney of course). I just can't wait to walk out of court room number two and over to the clerk of courts to watch them crimp the paper with seal of the great state of *confusion* which tells me that my blood pressure can return to normal....

Changes...

2011-11-10T06:33:00.000-08:00

This time change has KILLED any semblence of a schedule that Rocky was on. Daylight standard time meant Rocky was falling asleep anywhere between 10 and 11 p.m. and not waking until either our alarm went off or we woke him shortly there after. With the time change he is now wanting to go to bed between 8 and 10 p.m. and waking up at 4 a.m. Of course he then wants to go back to sleep at 7 a.m. which makes life extreemly easy for our sitters, but not so much for Mom. I refuse to let him cry it out until he is red in the face. We've attempted to keep him awake for longer periods of time, but he is only just shy of 2 months old and doesn't grasp the fact of staying awake past when his body tells him to sleep-much like he doesn't grasp the concept of sleeping after his body demands that he be awake. Stupid time change.

On Monday Rocky's status changes again. His birth parents parental rights will be terminated. He becomes a ward of the state, and his custody becomes ours not as a gift from his birth parents but from the state its self. This is the start of even bigger changes for Rocky! While he will still for the time being retain his birth parents surname, he is all the closer to becoming a Rubble for on December 16th we appear in front of the same judge who granted us custody, and who is hearing the termination proceedings to more forward on finalizing his adoption.

Rocky himself is undergoing changes on a daily basis. None of his newborn clothing fits him any longer and that makes me sad. He now chows down 4 oz. of formula and demands more. His once chicken like legs are now defined with calves and thighs. His blond hair is now longer and fuller which makes it impossible for me to justify his faux hawk any longer as its combable and partable. His eyes however still blue have lightened to show shades of a grey in them. He smiles responsively and "talks" to you in great length and detail (at least in his mind he knows what he is saying). His crib is no longer just a place to sleep, but a place to watch the airplane, helicopter, car, and farmers tractor travel in a circle above his head. Yes, Rocky too has changed from a helpless newborn and is turning into a baby who will soon be classified as a toddler...

Changes...you will miss em' if you blink...

We Are Family...

2011-11-07T18:22:00.000-08:00

I have been asking Barney since Rocky was a week old to please carve some time in his week for a family portrait to be taken. Unfortunately Barney loathes having his portrait taken so it took me until Rocky was almost 2 months old to actually drag him to the portrait studio. I had every intention of purchasing a few poses, but was less than impressed with anything the photographer took-but I did get a nice little package, and 25 Christmas cards for our efforts so it wasn't a total loss.

I told Barney he looked a little like Steve J-o-b-s Barney told me he looked gay...alrighty then...maybe next year we can get another one taken...

It's Because Of The Baby....

2011-11-07T04:17:00.000-08:00

One week prior to Rocky's birth my cycle started-it was THREE weeks over due before it arrived. What is odd about that was we had secretly induced ovulation--not secretly from the doctors, but secretly from ya'll. We had done it for a few reasons that are all so ridiculously stupid now...and ultimately don't matter.

When Rocky was three weeks old my cycle started AGAIN-without help! I was actually taken aback. I seriously questioned if CD 1 was really cycle day 1 because that NEVER happens! Sure it was 31 days between cycles, but heck that isn't too bad!

Two weeks ago my (-) (-) hurt so badly that I was convinced I had cancer. Then they went away and I gave them no more thought-I was busy raising a baby after all. Three days ago they started to hurt again. I started getting WAY moody. I started having cramps. On Saturday my husband and I got into a minor tiff that was quickly resolved--read in under 10 minutes-yet at the restaurant long after the dust had settled I cried "If I didn't know any better I'd swear I have PMS!!"

Sure enough-yesterday for the third time without birth control, without provera, and without making sure we hatched an egg I started a natural cycle!

Barney says "It's because of the baby..."

Which of course gives credence to the stupid people who say "if you just relax..." or "You'll get pregnant once you adopt" Which...well we're hoping for. We've decided that next cycle we're going to try to give Rocky a sibling. It will be a one time deal as our insurance coverage will likely change at the beginning of January as hubbies company isn't run by the same person any longer...but hey, if my body is cooperating because of they baby...maybe just maybe my body shall decide that my first baby needs a sibling....

Smile...

2011-11-06T06:33:00.000-08:00

It is hard for me, well for both Barney and I, to believe that Rocky is rapidly approaching his 2 month birthday! It's equally hard to believe that a mere 4 months ago that an ordinary Tuesday turned into a day that would change our lives forever. My heart swells every time I look at the little boy who is currently and contently relaxing in his swing.

My heart swells even more when I see this little face in the morning, and absolutely bursts when this face gives us this smile

Rocky knows our voices, and breaks into one of those grins when I say "Good Morning" or when I sing him "Good Morning, Good Morning, Good Morning to you..." in a sing song voice that isn't my own. Barney thinks its most funny when Rocky "cons" us. He will be in his bouncer or his swing and melt down-Barney will go rescue him and not only will Rocky smile but he will cry at the same time to which Barney tells him "You can't be mad and happy at the same time" Which usually results in solely a smile for Barney is right-you just can't be mad and smile at the same time...

First Birthday...

2011-11-02T04:13:00.000-07:00

Today I am 37 years old. The Earth has revolved around sun completely 37 times since I, complete with very large head entered the world. Today however is the first time since I married 13 years ago that I wasn't a bit sad that I am a year older. When I turned 24 the year I got married I quickly realized that I was 2 years behind on my plan to have 4 children each 2 years apart by the time I was 30 so I'd have to have twins. When I turned 30 I lamented the fact that I not only didn't have 4 children but didn't have 1. When I turned 35 I lamented the fact that we had decided to stop TTC-an ill fated decision as we tried and tried again, but that still did not stop me from marking the occasion solemnly. Last year, when I turned 36 I was a bit better-I had resigned myself to the fact that I'd never be a mom and decided that instead of lamenting I was going to enjoy simply being alive.

This year I woke up to a still sleeping baby whom I checked on before the alarm sounded and found this

At first the orange envelope startled me-it wasn't there when I checked on him at 11:30. Then I looked at it and smiled, and so did he in his sleep. 15 minutes later when the alarm went off Barney got up and found me still staring at our son. He put his arms around my waist and said "Happy Birthday Mommy" and then added "Do you realize when Rocky is 10 that you will be 47?" No...that was completely lost on me...so how about we simply celebrate this my first birthday with my son-with our little family-without wondering if I will ever be a Mommy because I already am...

3 Yards...2 Apples...and 1 Mango Please...

2011-11-01T17:09:00.000-07:00

While Barney drove to the county just South of us to have the birth parents of Rocky sign the paper work confirming the consents to adopt we went to the fabric store. I LOVE wearing Rocky. I love to feel his ~~tiny~~every changing body snuggle next to mine in his "Pouch" I believe I may have been a kangaroo in my past life perhaps for I have only used the stroller when we walk around our plan, and once when we went to the mall with Daddy. Of course I already own two front pouches, and have a Seven Sling on its way, but I decided I wanted a ring sling as well so off to the fabric store we went.

Armed with my 40% off coupon I found the most adorable blue fabric that has the most adorable blue, white and brown polka dots on it. I quickly requested three yards and walked out the door having only paid $10 for fabric, some thread, and some chocolate covered jelly beans. Once home I watched a U Tube video and on how to thread my rings...and voila even without firing up the sewing machine I had accomplished my goal-a ring sling. Left to his own devices Rocky would have lounged in it all evening but I convinced him instead to suck down a bottle and to fall asleep in his swing.

Once I was certain that he was asleep, and that Barney had arrived at our abode with two signatures on our confirmation I set out to make some more baby food. I started with the mango. $1.50 at our grocery store. It smelled a bit like a carrot as I peeled its red and green skin but it's sticky juice was sweet. I steamed the yellow fruit for a few moments and then made enough mango puree to fill an entire ice cube tray! My understanding is that ice cubes are aproximately 2 oz-so for $1.50 I made the equivalent of 6 jars of baby food. I then decided to do the same with two apples. Those were a little less filling, but with the two of them I also filled up an ice cube tray for approximately $.75 cents.

My ice cubes are chilling in the freezer, the baby in his swing, and Barney at his computer. I love my life-even though it and my blog have become incredibly boring....

Planning Ahead...

2011-10-30T13:48:00.000-07:00

Long before Rocky was a reality instead of just an "if we ever have a baby" I had decided two things--One, I'd breast feed. Two, I'd make as much of my own baby food as possible. Well thanks to a few issues-my husband being a BIG one I was never able to fully vest myself in the supplemental nursing to ever get as much as a drop. It seemed every time Rocky expressed any interest in latching on the phone would ring, Barney would come in the room, or he would have already fed him. So our attempts at a nursing relationship quickly ended, sigh. I can and will however make his baby food and I've started!

Originally I was going to by the Baby Bull--et, but quickly decided against it. $100 for a feeding "system" Really? Barney was going to get me one on Ebay but again...even $50 for a feeding "system" that we will use for all of 6 months? It was so expensive that I almost went with processed baby food. Granted the little tubs would ultimately cost me more than that over the course of 26 weeks, but really $100? It's as big a gimmick as the pink bouncers, high chairs, and car seats that they sell for the baby girl in your life--these are a great idea if A. You only have girls or B. You are NEVER going to have another child and your only is a girl...otherwise do you really want to spend $100 on a pink car seat that you can only use for ONE child for one year? Didn't think so...and off I go on a tangent...anyway...

We went to Wal-Rock today and stopped in the baby isle after buying a few groceries. $1.10 for those single serve pouches of baby food! What is with those anyway? Really? A Pouch now? Apples on the other hand were $1.69 a pound--so were talking 3 apples for $1.69...do you know how much apple sauce I could make with those 3 apples? Sweet potatoes are a $.98 each and I could likely get 4 2 oz container of sweet potato puree out of one of those buggers. So we went over to housewares and I picked up this

It's not nearly as fancy or cute as the bullet, but it gets the job done for a total of $9.97 plus Bedrock sales tax of .07% and when I came home I used approximately $.48 of peas and made this

Ok so that isn't my photo but that is what I made, and that is roughly what it looks like. FOURTY EIGHT CENTS! I put the peas in these

which cost me $2.00.

I can freeze the foods I make for up to 6 months, or I can make it and use it within 48 hours fresh. Given that Rocky is only 7 weeks old and we won't be starting him on pureed foods until he is showing signs of readiness, 4-6 months on average the peas will likely be thrown away, but items I make later on down the line will be frozen...but at least I'm planning ahead...and at least I didn't spend $100 on a system that I really don't need...

Finally, my goal here isn't to be a "crunchy" Mom at all...I really loath those who think they are superior because of the decisions they make that differ from others...but rather I don't want Rocky to be picky like me. I want him to know what fresh pea's taste like. I want him to have Pumpkin puree with a bit of cinnamon in it so he learns to appreciate spices, and I want him to not be like his Mommy who goes to a German restaurant and orders the hamburger because everything else seems too "weird"

Furthering My Obsession...

2011-10-28T03:29:00.000-07:00

After work, after dinner, and after my much needed nap Rocky and I went to Big Red Bulls Eye. He needed bottle liners, and I had a $2 off coupon if I bought two packages. Of course tomorrow is also "dress down" day at work with a quid pro quo...we either had to be dressed for Halloween, or we had to wear our foot ball team colors. Now I'm sorry, but I LOATH our foot ball team so that we surely out. Halloween is on Monday and frankly I did not feel like buying a purple t-shirt with a haunted house on it, so, I made a bee line to the infant section but not before I spied these...

Seriously!!! Red sock monkey pj's with FEET! I so want them, but had the baby ~~precariously dangling~~in his front facing baby carrier and there was another woman who had to take a photo of them for her friend. Of course this didn't stop me from coming home and pricing them...because honestly HOW FLIPPING CUTE. Of course I already got my birthday present from Barney...so I don't know how I will tell him I'd much rather have sock monkey pj's than an First Person Pad...but of course then I'd have to see if I can find Rocky a pair that matches! Hmm...Christmas is coming after all!!!

Re-Flux Capacitor...

2011-10-26T03:49:00.000-07:00

We were given 13 cans of formula before Rocky was born. It was a brand name gentle formula that I thought would be great (heck it was free, why complain?). When Rocky was born our choice in the hospital was the green label or the orange gentle label. Heck, we have 13 cans of formula at home so we will use the orange label thank you. Our first pediatrician appointment we were asked what formula we were using and received 2 more cans to add to our stash. Of course the BIG brand name companies were also vying for our formula dollar so we had an additional two tubs of their product, but I was bound and determined to use the other free stuff that we had so much of....that is until Rocky was diagnosed with reflux. Sigh.

Our options were: "Wait it out" its not a bad case, just enough to make him cranky and gaseous. However I will say his diapers rivaled that of a drunken college fraternity brother after a binge on cheap Mad Dog 20/20, ahem. So we tried that route. After all he wasn't vomiting, he was "just" bringing it up enough to make him cranky.

"Add 2 tsps of cereal to each 4 ounce bottle" BUT then that will cause a secondary problem--constipation. I tried it for two bottles. The first one seemed to do the trick! Rocky seemed content and SLEPT for 5 hours straight!! The second night the results we not the same. We had constipation that caused Rocky's poor face to turn a molten red as he struggled to void.

"Baby Zyrtec" would be our final option if it got much worse. Seriously I'm not keen on medicating my then 4 week old so we agreed to see if it got to the point where he was vomiting every bottle, or was unable to calm down with any effort.

Of course those were all the suggestions of his pediatrician...and do you notice what is missing? Try switching his formula! Yup, that was the suggestion that we didn't get that ultimately worked and that was completely accidental. I grabbed the BIG name brand orange container and popped it open-immediately I noticed the consistency of the powder was different and realized my "error" but proceeded to make a days worth of bottles. I don't know if it is voodoo or not, but within a day we hadn't used any gas drops, Rocky was burping again, and his swing...was suddenly NOT the enemy any longer and 4 oz bottles were gulped down with ease.

When I had to go purchase a few new cans of Big named brand formula I picked up a can of the old brand we'd been feeding Rocky and it was then discovered that not all formulas are created equal. Less carbs, less fats, and less vitamins were in the brand we started with sigh, but what is really concerning is that the one with LESS is the one that is WIC Accepted...and that bothers me. WIC is an AWESOME program if you qualify for it, and it helps nursing mothers too--but I can't help but wonder if formula fed babies aren't getting the short end of the stick thanks to the government...sigh.

She Called....

2011-10-24T14:06:00.000-07:00

Our Birth Mother called on Sunday night and I was annoyed. I was annoyed NOT because she called, but because of the TIME she called. I had wanted all week to watch Once Up@n @ Time on @BC last night. Of course the baby had a colicky fit from 4-8 and just as I was getting comfy on the couch to settle in my cell phone rang. When I saw who it was I did momentarily debate answering it...but I did, and it went well.

She wanted to know how the baby was doing, and if we were all back to work.
She asked if he was on a schedule of any kind yet.
She told me about her 6 week check up and asked if I could believe that it was 6 weeks already!
She told me about her daughters love of Micky Rodent and how she can be found watching the same episode over and over again.
She told me that she and her husband are getting along much better.

Then...

She told me she'd like to see the baby, and asked if we could do it on Sunday.

I'm contemplating it I told her. I'm nervous, I will be honest. I have no problem sending photos, letters, and even talking to her on the phone--because the contact is "my turf" but the idea of putting Rocky in the same space with her is daunting. I don't believe for a moment that she would abscond with him-though if I'm honest in my most paranoid moments that is what happens. She asks if she can hold Rocky and I oblige and then she shuttles him out the back door and I never see him again. PARANOID much? So we're contemplating it.

SHE suggested we meet on neutral turf and I think that would be best. I figure we could have lunch some where and I can be "momma bear" and wear him in a sling. Again only because of my paranoid idea that she'd jump out the window and onto the ladder of an awaiting helicopter. I've also thought of taking a "third party" someone who knows the story just to help keep me calm.

On the other hand this isn't the first time she MENTIONED getting together and then didn't contact us for a month...so I don't know if its the idea of seeing Rocky that makes her happy or if she really wants to see him.

This is such a learning process for me--and while I'm far less guarded than the last time we talked (she sounds SO DIFFERENT) I'm still guarded...and while my Momma Bear says "NO HES MINE YOU CANT HAVE HIM" my Adoptive Momma side who told this woman--even when I was leary of her at times "Yes, we will allow you to see him on OUR terms" says why not meet her for lunch? What will it hurt? Really...she called, that was huge for her...and really it did go well...

My Little Turkey...

2011-10-22T17:44:00.000-07:00

If I haven't mentioned it before I love being a Mom. This completely reaffirms that biology didn't mean squat to me. I will admit that it's still a bit odd to refer to myself as Mommy, but it now rolls off of my tongue with ease and I no longer catch myself referring to myself as Aunt Betty, but when around other children I often call them Rocky even though they are far older-today was no exception as I took my nephew and my son to Zoo Boo with friends of ours.

My nephew was supposed to wear his gorilla outfit but pointedly told me "It's not Halloween" This did not stop him from having his bag filled with candy however. Rocky on the other hand for the most part was content to hang out in his pouch-until he urinated through his diaper and down his leg causing him to instead be dressed in an adorable 2 piece C@rters ensemble instead of his Turkey costume but all in all it was a good day which is apparent in the photos we captured.

Your Honor...

2011-10-20T08:58:00.000-07:00

Our attorney presented our our petition to confirm the consents to adopt today. Basically he stood in front of a judge and said we need a hearing to terminate the parental rights of the birth parents. The judge then signed that request, took the inch thick packet of papers and said "Ok we will see you back here on November 14th.

The birth parents DID NOT show up at today's hearing-they were not required to be, but has the right to be. This is also true of the actual TPR hearing which will be on November 14th!!! If they show up they have to prove durees, coercion or fraud in order for the decree to not be issued-so pretty much we do not anticipate any problems from them. They were served via Fedex for this hearing, and failed to show. They will be served via certified mail for the next hearing as well.

Assuming that they fail to show up on the 14th of November the judge will hear our plea and issue the decree terminating parental rights. That will null and void our original custody agreement with the birth parents and we will then take official legal custody from the state of (nice try you thought I was going to tell you). From there we will have one more visit from a social worker to do our post placement study--this will confirm that we haven't sold the crib, or the baby and that we are still providing the warm environment that we portrayed prior to his birth. Then on December 16th Rocky will officially be adopted-right in time for Christmas!

Keep praying that this is in Rocky's best interest and that all continues to go smoothly from here on out!

Smile...

2011-10-19T02:49:00.000-07:00

We've been so consumed with the legality of making Rocky a Rubble that we have forgotten in some respects to just enjoy Rocky being a Rubble Baby.

Last night when I got home Barney told me Rocky had a rough day so I gave him the night off. I made dinner, and told him to leave the premises. He was hard pressed to do so and asked us to come along. I told him NO, to go enjoy and to bring me back a Pumpkin Pie Blizzard. Off he went and Rocky and I hung out here at Rubble Manor.

We took a nap together-gasp CO-SLEEPING the horror. Actually this does scare me a bit because I don't want to accidentally roll over on him, nor do I want him to kick the covers over his head (he does this with receiving blankets).

When we woke up I held him as I am now and after a bottle he soon fell asleep on my shoulder. He tucks his little knees under his tummy and throws his arms over my shoulder while nuzzling my neck with his chin. I could sit like this with him for days, but I'd never get any work done.

A few hours later when his daddy walked in the door Rocky was awake and alert. Barney as down beside me and started talking to Rocky-he always begins the conversation the same way "Do you remember me sweet baby?" As if Rocky would forget one of the persons who have been exclusively caring for him for the past 5 weeks. Then it happened-as he laid on his back, on my legs and we talked to him he smiled...We tried to get him to do it again, but every time I'd try to capture it on my camera the red eye light would cause him to shut his eyes and away we his smile-but for a moment it was there, and Barney said "I think that was a real one. Yes, that was a real one. Betty, our boy smiled..."

30 Days...and Thursday...

2011-10-17T19:31:00.000-07:00

We can finally breathe a sigh of relief.

30 days have passed since the NOTORIZATION of the consent to adopt (aka termination of parental rights. At this point the consent to adopt is irrevocable-which means that no matter what the birth parent's can't just request the baby back. Knowing what we know now-the information that said they might was erroneous, and basically a game of "telephone" so it wasn't likely-but just knowing that the "what if" is over is a great relief. At this point they would have to prove fraud or duress to have the consent over turned.

Tomorrow they will be served (as will we be) with paper work advising that a judge is going to set a hearing date to terminate their rights. They are advised that they do not need to appear, but the option is theirs if they desire to show up, but there is nothing that can change the proceedings at this point.

By Christmas Rocky Bernard Rubble will OFFICIALLY, LEGALLY, and still IN OUR HEARTS be a RUBBLE!

How Times Change...

2011-10-16T08:23:00.000-07:00

Barney let me sleep in today. By sleep in I mean til 7:30, and honestly he would have let me sleep longer but I was awake and in a panic because I'd only heard Rocky once through the night-granted he went to bed at midnight, but to only get up once at 5 is highly unusual. Anyway, as Barney showered and Rocky snoozed I looked through the new paper ads. When Barney got out I exclaimed "Barney Red Bulls Eye has Rocky's car seat on sale for $100! If we get the Red Bulls Eye card we can get it for $95! It will match the one in my car1 We so need to get it!"

It's funny but just 6 weeks ago even we would only glance at the baby section as we were still on the "we're not buying anything major until he is home..." and would instead look at the Excellent Buy ad where Barney would run if there was a good sale on video games. Now, get get up and rush to the store to buy a car seat...and celebrate when we get the last one...yup, times sure have changed and they have so changed for the better....

Rainbows and Butterflies...

2011-10-14T18:16:00.000-07:00

I'm going to be frank, and I'm going to be honest. Anyone who doesn't like that can walk away from Bedrock and not look back.

While going through infertility I was blunt. I told it like it was. I threw temper tantrums, and wailed against God. This was not the popular response. I was to handle the disappointment of not being pregnant with grace like other bloggers did. I was supposed to say "I'm a Christian and I understand that God has a plan..." but I didn't I showed my human emotional side and said screw it, this sucks and yes I was jealous of women who get pregnant and don't have their miscarriage. I hated my sister and sister in law who BOTH got pregnant on accident. This was an unpopular opinion. I was supposed to be gracious, and give rainbows and butterfly congratulations to those who could afford IVF and got pregnant while we couldn't even fathom coming close to being able to affording it. So instead of being humble and practicing what I had been preached-and had preached myself to others having a difficult time I stomped my feet and often times acted like a toddler who hadn't gotten their way.

I have handled our adoption much in the same way-until lately. "The truth shall set you free" they say, and while that may be true, not many like to hear the truth....especially when it's only half of it.

You see, I want to share WHY I am distrustful of our child's biological mother, but I can't. Not because I don't want too but because a part of me still feels the intense need to protect her privacy-such as it is. There are things that were said, and done that my family doesn't know because I feel the need to protect that families privacy. So while I may seem like I'm an uncaring bitch who "got what they wanted" or that I project "everything that is wrong with adoption" that is not my intent.

What is my intent is to give the story from my perspective--good or bad.

The good is that we have on our dining room table a copy of the intent to adopt paper work that was filed with the clerk of courts on 10/12/2011. The good is that we have a signed custody order that a judge ruled on when Rocky was 2 days old. The good is that we have given a child a home with TWO loving parents who can afford to clothe, feed, and educate in the years to come.

The bad-while there isn't a lot there is some-and it's all related to human behavior. None of us is innocent. We each have a need that had to be met, and while ideally everyone gets along and climbs the mountain singing Edelweiss that isn't how life works out sometimes...and it isn't often pretty or what people expect.

Bottom line, if you want the Sound of Music or if you want Rainbow Bright then please don't continue to read here. If you want a raw sometimes rambling expose of our experiences then continue on. Post your comments, but don't hide behind anonymity. Tell me if you disagree with me but NEVER threaten my son, my husband, or my self...for that will get you an eviction notice from Bedrock so quickly that your head will spin...One day, I will write out in full graphic detail what we were told, what we viewed first hand...and why we're so distrustful regarding certain aspects of this adoption at the hands of the person who gave us the greatest gift by trusting us with their biological child.

Monday...Monday...

2011-10-14T03:23:00.000-07:00

Survey says we simply need to make it through the close of business on Monday and then Rocky is ever closer to becoming ours!

Should the birth mother decide that she wants Rocky back she has to send a certified letter to either our attorney or the clerk of courts in the county in which Rocky was born. Odds are in our favor that she isn't actually planning on doing this, but it's a concern none the less.

Given that the information was obtained third party our attorney has advised the following--

A. The third party may have misinterpreted what she (the birth mother) said.

B. She has proven to all parties that she is very dramatic, and this could have been an attempt to garner some attention-she told people that her husband was laid off-she told us at our last communication that she was being evicted-so odds of her actually wanting money to try to get Rocky back is slim.

C. She signed custody papers prior to Rocky being born. She stated to her OB/GYN that she was adamant in her adoption plan. She told a pediatrician at the hospital that she wanted NOTHING to do with the baby that we were his parents-essentially abandoning her child.

So, while she COULD write the letter in all honesty it would have to arrive at the attorneys office TODAY...and I'm praying hard that it doesn't. I love this little boy and he loves us...and I will fight to the bitter end. I know the story of King Solomon, but I can tell you I question the decision--it is said that the real mother was the one who didn't want the baby cut in half--but honestly, after having Rocky in my life I don't know if I could be selfless...and frankly while I'm not biologically attached to Rocky I am his real mother...

My Worst Fear...

2011-10-13T03:04:00.000-07:00

Rocky is 1 month old today, by date.

Rocky has been in our lives for 31 days now.

For 31 days we, Barney and I, have been the ones to get up in the middle of the night with him. We are the ones who have taken him for his first portraits. We are the ones who tell him we love him. We are the ones who have greater aspirations for him than to simply become a father at 16. We are the ones who are his parents, so why then would the woman who gave birth to him be calling around and asking for money for an attorney to "get her baby back"?

Originally we had been talking nightly prior to Rocky's birth. After his birth we spoke a handful of times. On the 15th of September a JUDGE signed the custody complaint in our favor-we now had FULL legal and physical custody of said minor child. On the 17th we drove from Bedrock to their abode and we all went to the notary and watched with great relief as they signed the termination of parental rights paperwork. After that we talked maybe 1 or 2 more times, and then I kind of let it slide. I did send two letters, and two sets of photos and left a voice mail in response to "If I get his birth certificate I will send it to your attorney" So why then would my intermediary email me with the information that she is asking for money to try to get him back???

Under Bedrock law TPR can't be signed for 72 hours after birth-this is the "cooling off period"

Under Bedrock law the TPR then can't be FILED with the court for 30 days AFTER physical custody has been accepted OR the TPR has been signed-until this time it is revokable with a simple certified letter to the court or to the attorney representing the adoptive parents. This 30 days expires tomorrow.

Under Bedrock law once the TPR is filed a hearing is scheduled. If the birth parents fail to appear the TPR is granted by default. HOWEVER they still have 30 days to appeal this decision!!! If they show up and argue against the termination the judge could rule in the birth parents favor.

I find it ironic that last night as I held Rocky in my arms I was telling Barney of a former co-worker who is at the hospital waiting for her adoptive baby to be released. I told him how she is having a difficult time with her birth mother and how I'm fearful that it may fall through. I also told him "if it does fall through I hope it's now because I can't imagine someone trying to take Rocky away from me now..." and then this morning I open an email from my intermediary and she tells me that someone COULD be trying to take Rocky away.

My knee jerk reaction was to call off work, and to hunker down here today--just in case the attorney does call. However my heart tells me that the birth mother WANTED me to know this information--for really why would you ask people at your place of employment knowing that was one of the people who put you and I together? My thought is she is trying to "shake the money tree" because she had every intention of going back to work after 30 days and her doctor said NO. My other thought is someone is simply trying to stir a pot that isn't boiling for their own personal motivations...but still I can't help but worry that my worst fear could be coming to fruition....

Kissing Cousins....

2011-10-12T06:20:00.000-07:00

Barney and his family have a prodigal relationship at best. The family was, and never will be one that is close. Compiling this problem is that his mother doesn't really care for any of the children's choices in spouses and or life partners, though the life partner is slighly more tolerated than I or my new "brother in law". Despite this it was very important to me that Barney's parents be aware of, and have the opportunity to see Rocky. We first sent a birth announcement followed by an unannounced visit.

Following that his sister called and asked if we'd please go to lunch with her, her daughter, and her babies father. Following that we walked from the restraunt to Barney's parents home. This was only the second time that Rocky's parents have seen our son. They haven't called, they haven't come to visit, and they frankly aren't interested-but since we weren't there to visit them it really didn't matter to me, so we focused on the kids and got some adorable photos.

Baby "M" was born on May 28th and was a whopping 9 lbs 5 oz at that time. Rocky 2 weeks ago was 7 lbs 14 oz. So I'm guessing he still doesn't equal at 1 month what she weighed at birth. What is funny is that to us he looks SO BIG compared to his birth weight, but when you put him next to a 17 pound 5 month old the difference is notable.

On that note (no pun intended) I leave you with a photo of the kissing (or in this case not) cousins.

and one of Barney holding both babies

Rolling Along...

2011-10-11T07:57:00.000-07:00

Our attorney called this morning-they were surprised I was back at work. I'm surprised too. I don't want to be, but can't afford not to be. Sigh. It was especially difficult yesterday as one of our medical assistants lost their 4 month old baby girl to SIDS over the weekend. When I got home I wanted nothing more than to hold my baby, and to make sure that he was breathing through the night. Today, while I'm working, Barney is wheeling Rocky around the mall. I'm a bit jealous, but given that our one office is closed for the funeral I'm 'forced' to be in the office today.

Of course while I'm sitting here pulling my hair out taking care of two offices my cell phone rings and it's my attorney. When I was able to call back it took me 10 minutes to get all the information that we need to get the ball further rolling so that Rocky will some day officially be ours...

They received his medical record from the hospital. Where did we want it to be sent? Uhm novel idea how about our house...so that will be on its way today and I"m sure I will be billed for it.

Did we get the birth certificate yet? Now this aggravated me as they should know that his BC and SS # is "locked" until Rocky is adopted and that THEY as the attorney need to request it.

We MUST appear at the TPR hearing along with our intermediary-something we were not aware of before, but are now...

They are mailing us the paper work for the TPR hearing--the intention to adopt.

Finally they received a phone call from the billing office of the hospital where Rocky was born. Apparently he has a bill of over $1000 that needs to be paid. Ok, no problem. It needs to be submitted to our insurance company. So after my staff meeting I get to deal with that today.

I'm not complaining persay...I'm just sharing our experience and the frustrations that come along with it. I love every minute that I am Rocky's mother. I love love love it. However I guess there is a bit of resentment towards Barney--my three weeks off were spent shuffling him from doctors appointments to doctors appointments and making all the appropriate phone calls. His three weeks off? He came to visit me at work, has gone to the mall, and watches Sponge Bob. I'm back at work and I'm still required to call the attorney back, and now call the billing department of an inept hospital.

BUT...I guess the good news is that regardless of how its getting done...it's getting done and we're moving ever closer to Rocky becoming a Rubble and ultimately that is what we want!

My Little Pumpkin...

2011-10-09T06:25:00.000-07:00

One of the first item's Rocky received in the hospital was a "My First Halloween" sleeper. I thought it odd then, but adorable now. Odd, not because I didn't love it but because he was a September baby...but hey it works, it's cute. Then we found him the "Take Me To My Mummy" onesie that he looks adorable in. Now for your viewing pleasure--

Time Stands Still...

2011-10-05T18:01:00.000-07:00

Per Bedrock state law termination of parental rights can be filed at one of two points--30 days after physical custody is obtained OR 30 days after the TPR is signed. If we follow 30 days of physical custody then that means October 13. If we follow 30 days after TPR then that puts us a October 17th. Guess when the attorney wants to file? Yup 30 days AFTER the TPR--which makes it October 17th which means that since the judge only hears these cases on Thursdays that means it won't be filed until the 20th.

Per Bedrock state law the parents have 30 days AFTER the TPR hearing to appeal the decision to a higher court. Those 30 days have to expire BEFORE the adoption petition can be filed. Those 30 days will expire on November 20th.

Per Bedrock state law once the TPR is ruled on and the 30 days for appeal have expired you can file for the adoption but only AFTER an additional 10 days have passed...so we're looking at December 1st at the earliest before our adoption petition can be filed.

Rocky is OURS, in our hearts in our minds and in our arms Rocky is OURS...but I want him to be legally ours--100% a Rubble-not in this flux of "you are a Rubble, but you're not really a Rubble" Time is standing still, and I'm not marking it all that well while I wait. Sigh.

Back To Work...

2011-10-02T09:01:00.000-07:00

When the alarm clock sounds in the early a.m. tomorrow it won't be for Barney, it will be for me. Instead of my making Barney's lunch and wondering what Rocky and I will do for the day I will be quickly climbing into the shower and donning scrubs for the first time in three weeks. Donning the scrubs that is, not taking a shower--I've taken several showers over the last three weeks.

I'm so going to miss Rocky. He is already so attached to me, and I to him. I want to be the one who gives him his bottle. I want to be the one who gives him his morning bath. I want to be the one who changes the stinkiest of diapers. I don't want to go back to work and do a mundane job that in 30 years isn't going to matter. I just want to be a Mom.

Unfortunately Barney's company is falling victim to the economy. If the big project that they are undertaking fails the company will as well. That is a bit daunting when you're holding your newborns insurance card in your hand knowing that when his Daddy goes back to work that he may not have a job to go back too. Still, despite that I want to stay home. I want to be exclusively a Mom.

I've discovered that where there is a will there is a way. I never thought we could afford a private adoption-and well we couldn't really. We had to kill our savings, have our home study monies donated to us, and be on a 3 month payment plan with the attorney but we did it. Sure, we may only have $72 in our savings account now--but every time I look at Rocky I know that was money well spent, and I know that in the future the balance will be what it once was again. My point here is, if I never try I will never know if I could pull it off.

Over the next three weeks I'm going to attempt to find a part time evening job--one that will allow me to keep pulling my weight financially, but that will also allow me to stay home with Rocky during the day. Then we will see what else needs to be done to continue to put me closer to home full time...but in the mean time...I'm heading back to work and that makes me want to cry.

Lucky!

2011-10-01T10:08:00.000-07:00

I've slowly been joining Mommy boards. Some I participate in, others I'm simply a voyeur. Of the one I am about to speak of I'm an active participant-twice now actually. When I got pregnant with Bam-Bam I started the group "December 2008 Babies" but had to leave well before it really got under way. This time I waited until Rocky was over a week old before I joined in the discussions and boy are some interesting.

It's also come to my attention that I'm so very lucky.

Barney is taking three weeks off to spend with Rocky while I go to work. He will be his sole provider from 8 a.m. to 4 p.m. How lucky for Rocky, and for me. Certainly I will be worried, but not as much as if we had a nanny.

Barney gets up with Rocky on Friday and Saturday nights EXCLUSIVELY so that I can sleep. It freaked me out this morning when I got up and neither Barney nor Rocky were in our room. Rocky generally naps in his crib and sleeps in a pack n play at the end of our bed. I looked at the clock and discovered that not only was it morning but that I hadn't heard Rocky all night! Barney slept with him in the living room so I could get an undisturbed 8 hours, and I did.

Somethings Barney is still not so good at--he has never made a bottle for him. He has read the directions, but generally tells me when we're down to four ounces in the fridge and asks me to make him more. He has however become quite a pro at putting Rocky in his car seat, and in changing a diaper without getting a shower. He even takes care of his circumcision with more ease than I.

I told him today that he has exceeded my expectations as both a father, and a husband...and that I am so lucky to be experiencing both parenthood and marriage with him.

Thank You!

2011-09-30T17:11:00.000-07:00

Thank you to those who commented on my last entry regarding "playing the game"

I have been very leery of sharing the not so pretty side of our adoption. Here we are blessed with a baby whom in less than 2 weeks will be no longer in the limbo of "we're his parents" but "his birth parents retain their parental rights, but not custody" Perhaps that is part of why I've been so dedicated to the prolific rainbows and butterfly's.

A commenter said that friends of theirs thought their birth mother wished she had been the one to be adopted, and it rings so true. I'm not trying to sway opinion to me being "right", but I firmly believe that this is the case with our birth mother too. I say this because through out she would continually say "I hope you don't forget about me in the hospital" She went so far as to tell co-workers that I was going to spend the night with her in her room to "care" for her.

Our situation is so unique, and rarely happens I'm sure and believe me it is not lost on anyone from my GYN to the congregation of the pastor who helped make this happen that this is a TRUE miracle. Still, miracles aren't always easily obtained-sometimes you get burned by the burning bush. Sometimes the sea closes on on you before you've reached the far shore. Yet here we are holding our own miracle tonight. We look at his heart shaped face, kiss his tiny little feet, or stare into his blue eyes knowing that he is aware that we are his parents and you forget the hard stuff.

Still, I thank you all for allowing me to be honest, and to vent and for understanding that every thing I do form choosing which car seat to use to which booties to put on Rocky's feet are all chosen for his benefit...not mine.

Turn Of Phrase...

2011-09-29T19:23:00.000-07:00

I used the turn of phrase "playing the game..." in regards to our birth mother, and I was told that I was coming across as heartless. I re-read my post, and then removed it. Not because I believe I'm wrong in how i feel regarding the situation, but because without background I do seem cold, heartless, and selfish.

Through out our adoption proceedings I tended to give the fluff. I outwardly displayed the rainbows and unicorns but didn't share the nightly roller coaster that was the birth mothers phone call. Every night at 9 p.m. my cell phone rang. Even when I was in Virginia for the weekend my phone rang countless times. When Barney and I went to New York it was the same. I advised our birth mother both times that we would be out of town, and it was well prior to Rocky's scheduled c-section or his actual due date (he was 5 days early).

Compiling with those two incidents were the incidents of blatant lying. You see, we didn't go through an agency. We weren't seeking to adopt. We were sought out, and in 8 weeks and 2 days became a family. So there is nothing "official" in contractual terms that at all obligates us to maintain contact with the birth parents. You see when she first asked us to be Rocky's parents she stated "I want a closed adoption" Well this bothered me because Rocky has a 17 month old sister. It was I who insisted that we put something legal in place that protected the siblings in the future, and it was our attorney who turned the phrase "playing the game" during that meeting. "You don't want to put anything in writing that you will be obligated by a court order to follow through with. Instead, play the game and see how you feel in six months..." For me, playing the game while our birth mother was pregnant meant answering the phone every time she called to complain about her husband. Playing the game meant going to her brothers Labor Day party because she wanted to introduce us to the family.

I guess what concerns me, and compels me to find an alternate means of contact with the birth mother is that she doesn't seem to understand that we're busy raising this child. Her phone calls yesterday (both) weren't even regarding Rocky. Instead she just wanted to share with me that she is on a new antibiotic because she has a sinus infection. While I am eternally grateful for the gift of my son, I do need to set boundaries. I need to set boundries not only for Rocky's sake, but for all of his parents as well. Right now Rocky is still tiny and cute and can't talk...but what about the day when he is two and he falls down and skins his knee--he's going to run to Barney as he calls out "Daddy"...

I put several different poses from Rocky's first portrait session in the mail along with a two page letter yesterday. The phone calls, and invitations to family functions simply have to be dealt with--and yes for now I am playing the game--I'm answering every phone call, and entertaining every invitation...but at some point I do need to stop "playing" and drawing a line in the sand because I am Rocky's mother, and it is up to me to provide him with stability, and love...and while he will know that his birth parents did the best they could to provide him with the best opportunity in life that does not mean that I have to be her therapist, priest, and confidant either...

Weights and Measures...

2011-09-29T08:01:00.000-07:00

Rocky had his two week well baby visit today. I totally LOVE his pediatrician. First he apologized for being an hour behind on Tuesday-I told him not to worry about it, but he said "No you need an explanation because that should NEVER happen" He asked how the adoption was going, and I told him so far so good. He said that the reason he asks every time we see him is because he had a mother who at the two week mark took her child back and it was just devastating to him as a physician to know that this child was being taken from a good home and being put back in a less than stellar circumstance. I told him no worries that we had custody papers signed long before Rocky's birth that have been filed, and that it would take a judges decree to remove Rocky from our home, not a change of heart. "I just can't wait to see that his last name is Rubble" he said. Have I mentioned that I LOVE this pediatrician???

He went on to examine Rocky who put on a great show. He had his head turned to the right and the doctor said "Does he every turn it left?" I told him he actually prefers his left side-with that Rocky turned his head to the left as if to say "What? You didn't think I'd do it did you? The doctor said that he was pleased to see that Rocky fixated on his face when he came into frame. He is very clean. He is very alert. He is perfectly healthy. He asked if I had any concerns, and as always I mentioned SIDS-this is a great concern of mine as his birth mother is a pack a day smoker. He said that he can't make any guarantees, but since Barney and I don't smoke, put him on his back to sleep, don't co-sleep, have a fan in our room, keep him close by that he probably has a less than 2% chance of being affected given how healthy he is. He said what is so scary with SIDS is that there are no warning signs that can prevent it from happening--there are factors that make it more likely, but Rocky doesn't fit those criteria. Finally a statistic we beat!

The doctor is also very pleased with his weight. He was 7 lbs 7 oz at birth. He was 7 lbs 2 oz at discharge 36 hours later. He was 7 lbs on the nose at one week. He was 7 lbs 2 oz at 9 days old. Now at 2 weeks 2 days old he is 7 lbs 14 ounces! He has also gained a 1/2 an inch in his growth. The doctor said he exceeded his expectations and to keep feeding him on demand both time wise and amount wise.

Finally I leave you with a photo of MY SON being weighed. This was the moodiest he was for the whole appointment. Even when the doc checked his 1 day old circumcision he just chilled while he did it. I love this boy.

Just to show ya how mellow he was

Have I mentioned how much I love this boy?

Sock It To Me...

2011-09-27T10:37:00.000-07:00

My alternate title for this post was going to be "Live From New York!" Anyway...

Buttercup emailed me to see if Rocky was the proud owner of a sock monkey yet. I had commented on a blog of hers, and told her that if she had any sock monkey socks that I would gladly take them off her hands. Sadly, she did not, and sadly Rocky didn't own a sock monkey either. Imagine my surprise when I picked up the mail today and found Rocky's very first piece of official mail addressed to him!

He was sleeping so I opened the package (I hope he doesn't call the post master general and complain). Inside was the most adorable Sock ~~Monkey~~ Giraffe that traveled all the way to Bedrock from New York City! I immediately woke Rocky and showed him his new toy. Unlike his mother he wasn't as impressed so he immediately fell back asleep, but not before indulging me with a photo opportunity**

Sock Giraffe needs a name....hmm...what shall we call him?

Rocky giving no name a hug

He's starting quite the collection of toys!

Now if I can find him a sock monkey sleeper my obsession will be complete!

**disclaimer, no sock giraffes nor babies were allowed to sleep together after the photo was taken**

Before...and...After

2011-09-26T06:16:00.000-07:00

So I've become a Mommy Blogger.

I never understood how someone who suffered from infertility could jump easily from infertile blogger to pregnant blogger to mommy blogger. "It will never happen to me" I proclaimed, and I was certain it wouldn't. I was certain that if I ever became a Mom that I would continue to be sensitive to those around me. That I would remember that someone else isn't holding their baby, that someone else just lost a baby, or that someone else just got another BFN.

Then it happened.

Rocky was born, and I no longer feel the pain of hearing about weights, lengths, and birth dates, and so it happened...I too became my worst fear...I am one of "them" I am a mommy blogger who blogs about umbilical stumps falling off, first bowel movements, and sleepless nights.

I suppose it's like the pain of child birth...you forget it once the baby is placed in your arms. "That wasn't so bad" you say and you plot baby number two. I suppose it's a protection mechanism...for if you remembered the pain you wouldn't be able to enjoy what is yet to come...

And now, because I am a mommy blogger...look at our latest mile stone (and yes I know EVERY baby looses their umbilical cord, but I still danced around and told Rocky I was proud of him...you know as if he was a genius or something...)

BEFORE...

After...

Meet The Grandparents...

2011-09-24T16:02:00.000-07:00

After much debate we took Rocky to meet his grandparents today. He had already met my side of the family, but we have been leery of introducing him to the Rubble side. They Rubble's haven't always been exactly caring, considerate, loving, or interested in being in our lives but it was very important to me that they at least knew of Rocky's existence.

On Monday or Tuesday I sent out Rocky's birth announcements. On Friday I got a card from the Rubble's and it perplexed me. It was a lovely card with a lovely sentiment but it wasn't signed by "Mom" or "Grandma" but rather by the families first names-including that of his 4 month old cousin whom we still have yet to meet. Barney looked it over, and said "Ok, well at least they know about him" but it was I who forced the issue which caused us to drive through the tunnel, and over the bridge to grandmothers house we went.

When we arrived I let Barney go first for I wasn't sure what the reaction was going to be. In my arms I held Rocky tightly and felt my heart pound against my sternum for after all it's been two and a half years since we had seen his side of the family. My fears were immediately alleviated when my mother in law pushed past my father in law and embraced Barney in a hug that never seemed to end. Then it was my turn. She hugged me and sobbed on my shoulder.

We told them that they have a choice to make--we have no problem going to visit them BUT they need to make an effort where Rocky is concerned. They need to come and visit us. They need to pick up the phone and check on their grandson. They need to come over to our home for holidays. It's up to them if they wish to be a part of their grandchild's life. The message was well received, but Barney made it a point to say "Come over and see him otherwise it will be a while till we're back" before we left.

Over all it went well, and I hope for Rocky's sake that they do come knock on our door some evening after work...but if not, I at least have a photo of him with his grandma and his uncle...but none with his grandfather as he refused to hold him...which is totally his loss...not Rocky's because he has a huge lot of people in his life who love him.

Grandma Rubble

Uncle Michael Rubble

Try Try Again...

2011-09-23T15:17:00.000-07:00

My phone rang during a much needed nap. You see, Rocky was left with his first baby sitter (his God Mother) last night while Barney and I went to dinner. This threw him off terribly--he and Jingle Bell took a nap for the entire 2 hours we were gone. By 9 he is usually in his sleeper, and is chill. Last night at 9 he was drinking a body in a onesie. This meant he was up for all but two hours last night, and of those two hours he spent them all in the crook of my arm which was the only way he would sleep. Thus this morning we both napped as much as possible...which leads me to the phone call.

It was my GYN. She was calling to apologize PROFUSELY for the circ. that wasn't on Wednesday. Apparently the pediatric nurses had the following instructions: Call me when Mrs. Rubble arrives--I want to do the circ. between my second and third procedure. They never called her-instead they called her surgery scheduler who simply informed the nurses that she was heading to the OR for her third procedure. In other words my doctor never knew we were there.

I told her I wasn't upset with the nurses persay, but did tell them that they could have called me when she went into the OR and I could have still been to the hospital before she was done. This would have helped in two ways--1 Rocky would have been at home and not rushed through his first feeding, dressing, and bath of the day. 2. I could have fed him a second time which would have kept him even more comfortable.

Bottom line, we are rescheduled for Wednesday at 7:30 a.m. we need to arrive by 7, and we will be the first patients seen before she sees her OB patients in the office at 8:30 and ultimately we will be home by 9:30 if all goes well. If not, I give up I will call Giant Health Care System back and will just schedule his surgery for 6 months-but I"m hoping that the second time will be the charm!

Two By Two...

2011-09-22T12:26:00.000-07:00

Rocky and I hung out together much of the morning. His pediatrician appointment wasn't until 1:45, and this was the first day we didn't have SOMETHING to do. Of course by lunch I was rather antsy to get out of here so I took him to my office for a visit. While there he was held, and loved on by the entire staff. I never thought I'd be one of those mothers who would say "are your hands clean?" before handing him over but I am.

From there we went to his pediatrician. I stripped him down to his diaper and carried his screaming self across the hall to the scale. The nurse said "I hope you grew Rocky" as I laid him on the alphabet paper. I watched as the digital numbers blinked to life 7 pounds 2 ounces! Weight has been gained! Two ounces in four days!

When the doctor came in (thus the visit cost me $20) he said that he was looking for a weight gain of 30 grams minimum. Rocky gained 50! He said he looks perfect and that what ever I'm doing to keep doing because it's working. This was after he noticed I used the Playtex nurser and said "Oh great you're breast feeding that's wonderful!" I laughed and reminded him that he is adopted. "I forgot because he looks so much like you" That sounds odd I know, but our neighbor; two co-workers; my sisters; and a friend all have said the same thing. It's kind of freaky--but I've said all along that God was in control of this from day 1...and stranger miracles have happened...maybe he was tailor made for the Rubble family?

Anyway--we will go back on Tuesday--this time with Daddy for our 2 week well baby visit and I found out that shots will begin at 2 months. GULP. I think I will send Daddy on those visits too...

Patience Patient....

2011-09-21T15:03:00.000-07:00

We elected not to have Rocky circumsized in the hospital for a number of reasons. Instead we decided we would have his pediatrician do it. Imagine my surprise when the pediatrician said "We don't..." So we were referred to a pediatric urologist. I called Giant Health Care System and they said we could have an appointment for a consult on Monday, but that the actual procedure could not be performed until he is 6 months old! I made the appointment for Monday and then called my GYN.

My GYN was able to get us in today, but I didn't become aware of this until 7:45 this morning.

"Stop feeding Rocky at 9 a.m. and be here for 10:30 for an 11:00 procedure"

I drove to the hospital and arrived in pediatrics 10 minutes before I was told to be there. We check in, and I was told that his procedure would be between 11:00 and 11:30 and that I would have to wait in the general waiting room as they had no rooms available.

At 11:55 I walked with my SCREAMING baby to the front desk and asked how much longer we would have to wait. I was told that the ob/gyn was performing her THIRD ELECTIVE c-section of the morning and would be anywhere from 20 minutes to an hour! I hadn't fed Rocky since 8:30 and he was hungry. I walked back to the waiting room and fed him an ounce to calm him and then called Barney.

"Look, I don't want to have this procedure done in the first place and I refuse to wait any longer!" I grumbled into the phone, but I waited 20 minutes longer and still no doctor. At this point I called Barney back and told him I wasn't waiting and if he wanted to have a perfect specimen altered for purely aesthetic reasons then he needed to call and reschedule it because I was DONE.

I told the nurses that I didn't blame them, but honestly had I known she was doing THREE c-sections that I would have requested to be called 20 minutes BEFORE she THOUGHT she was going to be done because then I could have kept Rocky home and comfortable instead of squealing because he was hungry. Of course a part of me is still glad he hasn't been done because I really don't want him to be, but Barney and I have an agreement and I will uphold it, but I won't be the one to take him for his next appointment...this patient is out of patience!

That Still Hurts...

2011-09-20T17:13:00.000-07:00

Having Rocky has filled a void in my life. I love him with every ounce of my being. I look at his little face and see God's promise. I smile when I say his name and he looks at me. I grin when smiles in his sleep-even though I know they aren't real smiles but simple reflex reactions at this point. What I didn't expect to happen was to feel a sting of pain when I heard a co-worker announced their pregnancy today.

I was going to take Rocky to the office, but decided against it after spending an hour at the DMV getting my photo taken for my soon to expire license. A friend of mine called, and as we were talking she said "Christine just told us she's pregnant!" I said "tell her congratulations for me" and snuggled Rocky a bit tighter.

It was a pang I didn't expect to feel. It's not jealousy-I have my baby, but it hurt for just a moment none the less. As I said, I love Rocky and love watching Barney be his daddy but I guess a part of me will always miss the idea of a full term pregnancy. Of course if I piece meal it I haven't missed out on a pregnancy at all. I have experienced the joy of a positive pregnancy test. I've heard a baby's heart beat in utero on several occasions. I've watched a 20 week ultrasound. I've heard the first cries--of my new born son. Yet I have missed actual labor. Sigh.

I wonder when the scab will form over that wound?

Nine Percent...

2011-09-19T11:07:00.000-07:00

I took Rocky to his first pediatrician appointment today.

He said I'm doing EVERYTHING right from the choice in his car seat, to the bottles, to the formula, to what we are feeding him. Of course this doesn't help my ego for Rocky has lost 9% of his body weight since birth. This makes me feel like I'm a a horrible mother.

He was 7 lbs 7 oz at birth 6 days ago.

At discharge 5 days ago he was 7 lbs 2 oz.

Today at his pediatrician appointment he weighed 7 pounds on the nose.

He goes back on Thursday at 1:45 where he will be weighed again.

The doctor said he'd be surprised if he hasn't gained weight. He said that they worry when they reach the 10% mark and not before.

I asked about SIDS and he said if we were smokers, or if the baby showed signs of illness then he would be worried. He said keep putting him on his back to sleep, and offer the binkie every nap and sleep time.

In the mean time I've changed him to a fast flow nipple in the hopes that he will eat a full 3 ounces at a feeding instead of the 1 1/2-2 that he has been. I will also be waking him every 2 hours to feed even if he is happy.

So while it was nice to get reassurance that I'm a good mom I won't truly believe that until the doctor tells me he has gained at least part of what he has lost!

Ask And Ye Shall Receive...

2011-09-18T08:59:00.000-07:00

Rocky has met all of his cousins, and has been to church in his short five days on the planet Earth. He is such a good baby that the common question is: Does he ever cry? The answer to that is yes BUT only when he is naked, needs to burp, or is cold. He loves his swing, and loves to be cuddled. He may have only been a part of our lives for 5 days, but I can honestly say I can't imagine nor can I remember what life was like before we brought him home.

Now without further delay--photos per the request of his Auntie Buttercup!

First time in my big boy car seat. Mommy doesn't like the bucket ones. This one will hold him till he is 65 pounds forward facing, and up to 45 pounds rear facing.

Grandma got me this outfit

Meeting a few of my cousins.

Finally, outside of his Momma's arms--his swing. He loves it! Our best gift!!!

Signed...Sealed...and Delivered!

2011-09-17T11:21:00.000-07:00

We had to make what we hope will be our final trip to the birth parents county of residence today. With Rocky in tow we arrived at the trailer park with our TPR (termination of parental rights) paper work in hand. I had Barney ask "M" if they wanted me to come in with the baby or to wait in the car. She asked us in, and she held Rocky for a moment. I will tell you that I had no qualms with her holding him--he is MY son, and it felt as though I was handing him to a friend.

From there we all went (in separate cars) to the notory where we watched as both parents signed their parental rights away. I was a bit teary when "M" signed hers, but not as much when "J" signed his. Once the stamp was on the paper work and our names etched in the ledger I breathed a sigh of relief.

While we have legal physical custody of our little boy the birth parents by law still have 30 days to retract their voluntary termination. That won't be happening I'm certain, but that is the last leg of our adoption journey before Rocky is a Rubble instead of a Smith.

I can not believe that a little less than 9 weeks ago we were asked if we were interested in adoption, and now I have to sign off for the moment because my son is crying in his swing that he'd like to be fed....

Here's The Story...Of Rocky's Birth!

2011-09-15T07:45:00.000-07:00

We had to be at the hospital at 7 a.m. for an 8:30 C-section. We, along with a good friend of mine walked through the doors at 6:40. At 7, our birth parents, and grandma walked in. I hugged the birth mom and asked if she was "OK" It's a stupid question then, and now. Really she wasn't OK. She was giving her son to new parents in a few hours. At one point she asked the staff to have us wait elsewhere as she was overwhelemed--which then over whelmed me and I began to think, act, and fear the worst. "She changed her mind...I want to go home" I told anyone who would listen, and the tears fell. It was a highly emotional time. My friend asked Barney if he was as worried as I was, and he said "No, she isn't changing her mind." What seemed like a life time later the birth father re-joined us in the lobby-the look on his face said it all but his mouth said "Guys, this is really hard" I took in a deep breath, the birth father realized he put his thought into word and said "You guys can come up now"

We went back to the labor room and waited with everyone while they disconnected the fetal heart monitor-Rocky's heart beat was back in the 130's, and "M" was having some very MILD contraction and was just a nervous wreck. I had to tell Barney to stop talking--something he does incessantly when he is nervous. We sat in silence for a while longer as the residents, and then the doctor came in to go over the last minute instructions for the surgery. Then at around 8:35 they wheeled "M" back and told "J" they would be out for him in 10 minutes. I went down and got Babs, and Jingle Bell and told them where to wait for the arrival of our son.

At 9:15 as I sat nervously waiting in the chair I heard a baby cry "I hear a baby" I said and Barney looked at me "That's Rocky!" I looked at him "do you think?" He shook his head yes--it turns out when he had come back upstairs from getting some coffee that he got turned around and was back in the delivery area and heard our birth mother talking to the doctor. Moments later we heard the doors swoosh and the patter of feet. "Is that Baby Smith?" I asked and they said yes "Can we hold him for a moment?" I asked. The nurses couldn't have been more gracious. "We will for the moment presume you're the adoptive parents so yes, you may hold him but I want you to bring paper work to the nursery stating that you are the adoptive parents, and I need your photo ID as well" Barney said I was shaking as I picked my son up out of his bassinet, and I can assure you that tears were falling from eyes. Our first photo is not attractive at all! I look like a hot mess for sure!

I went and got Jingle Bell and Bab's in the waiting room and called my Mom as we watched them foot print Rocky, and then watched as he was weighed and measured. When Barney came around the corner we took the paper work to the charge nurse who looked every thing over "Congratulations! You will be in room 545" Not 10 minutes later Rocky was being wheeled into my room, and I started to cry again. They wouldn't let me hold him until they went over the instructions--keep his hat on for 24 hours, only feed him a max of 25 ml, do not unwrap him-but change his diaper when you feed him-we need him to pee, and don't put him on that side of the bed, we don't want anything to fall on him. We had him with us for a good 4 hours before they came to take him for his bath. I watched that take place from the window as well.

That night his birth mother hobbled up to our room and held him for all of 5 minutes. Later that night I visited with her, and asked if she wanted to hold him. She said no. His father never did hold him, but asked me to tell him what he was like when I was visiting. "He is blond with blue eyes and is just beautiful"

He weighed 7 lbs 7 oz at birth and was 7 lbs 2 oz at discharge.

He has blond hair.

He has blue eyes.

10 fingers and 10 toes.

He has a pediatrician appointment on Monday.

I called the birth mother this morning to check on her and she couldn't get off the phone quickly enough. Barney will see her tomorrow when they sign their parental rights over--and then in 31 days Rocky Bernard Smith will be slated to become Rocky Bernard Rubble with the finalization of his adoption 2 weeks later.

My cheeks hurt from smiling--and my tongue is learning how to say "I'm your Mommy" instead of "Hi baby, I'm your Aunt Betty"

Wordless Wendesday Baby Edition...

2011-09-14T13:51:00.000-07:00

He Is Here!

2011-09-13T21:56:00.000-07:00

Forgive my tardiness but as you can imagine it wad a monumental Tuesday.

Our son was born at 9:10 am and while we heard hus first cry we were not present for the actual surgery.

Issac Jacob (now to be known by the blog world a Rocky Bernard) weighed in at 7 lbs and 7 ounces---our wedding anniversary is 7/7. He is a petite 19 inches long with blind hair and blue eyes. Hr is beautiful.

The hardest part of this for me...to stop calling his daddy Uncle Barney...

Pictures and the story of Isaac's birthday when we get home!

Tuesday's Child...

2011-09-12T18:29:00.000-07:00

Rocky Bernard Rubble is scheduled to make his debut at 8:30 tomorrow morning.

We're all nervous, and excited, and going through emotions I never knew I was feeling. I worry about a still birth. I worry about "M" changing her mind. I worry that I will never feel like he is mine. I worry...I worry a lot.

If you could lift us up in prayer tonight I would appreciate it.

To Due List...

2011-09-12T03:51:00.000-07:00

Surprisingly I slept well the past two nights. I mean slept like a log, something I haven't done in quite some weeks. This of course is not something I expected as "M" called me on Saturday night with "pre baby jitters" We spoke for over an hour and a half and by the end of the call she said "I feel better now than when I dialed your number. He's all yours on Tuesday" Last night we were over at their house for dinner, and she called again at the appointed time. Her biggest worry now is her c-section tomorrow. She has a fear that something could and will go wrong. Of course this stems from a client she services at the senior center who said "You don't want to have a c-section, my wife died during a c-section..." Ok, just like I would never tell her that my sisters first c-section incision opened after the staples were removed, and she had to have it packed for almost 2 weeks you don't tell someone your wife died during the surgery! You just don't do that! Anyway...

I've got errands to run today.

I've got to drop our completed home study off with the attorney. While there I need to find out what day and time (he said Wednesday) that he will be appearing in front of the judge to have our custody order signed and filed.

I've got to get my hair cut. I must look my best for Rocky's first photos.

~~I've got to get my drivers license photo taken for my renewal~~ Oh shoot there was a reason I was going to do this on Friday. The license center closets to me is only open Tuesday through Saturday. Oh well, I will get that done this weekend. My current license doesn't expire till the day after my birthday in November.

I have to pack our bag. I need to make sure that we each have a change of clothes as we get our own room, and I can assure you I'm not leaving Rocky tomorrow night! I need to pack Rocky's outfit, and the binkie we want him to use.

I have to vacuum.

I have to write up the instructions for Dino for the puppy sitter in our absence.

Finally...I need to not panic. This is going to be OK. Tomorrow our son will be born. My 9 week pregnancy will be over, and I will finally not be a Mom to angels, but to an angel who is a miracle from above. Much to due, so I must go due it!

10 Years Later...

2011-09-11T05:05:00.000-07:00

I've heard it said that some day the date, 9-11 on the calendar will be regarded much like Pearl Harbor Day is regarded to the generations that follow. Of course for those who lived it, some much closer than others will never forget. Ten years have passed, and all of our lives have changed. No longer can we go the airport and shop the air mall, or take our little nephew who loves planes to watch them take off and land. No longer can you decide on a whim to drive to Canada, or Mexico without first procuring your passport card. No longer do you take for granted that our borders are safe and that when you hear about a bombing on the subway that it isn't one of ours. Innocence was lost, and a new way of life found 10 years ago today....

Busy...Busy...Busy...

2011-09-10T17:06:00.000-07:00

If I don't stay busy I will go crazy I've decided.

This morning I was up by 7 and immediately started my first of three loads of laundry. When hubby got up around 8 I was on load #2, and then went and stripped the bed. From there I went and installed the car seat-not because I am certain that spontaneous labor will occur, but I felt better knowing that it was in my car and that it wasn't installed hastily. I was able to make sure that it was LATCHed in correctly and tightly. From there we went to breakfast-our last Saturday where we will be asked "just the two of you?" I don't know why, it's not asked derogatorily but it always bothered me "just the two of you..." as if we should have two or three children with us by now.

This afternoon my friend, her hubby, and their 7 month old came over and we went to the craft store, the Build a Stuffed Animal store, and to a very late lunch. They just left a few minutes ago. I photographed their 7 month old,

and he road tested our crib; changing table; and walker. He seemed to approve of everything except the formula we gave him--it caused him to vomit all over his mother. I'm hoping that we do not have the same issue with our little guy as we have 12 cans of the stuff that was given to us, and frankly I have no way of exchanging it for something else!

I called another friend who texted "no, I'm not ok. I'm struggling" but I got her voice mail and no response to another text in which I said "Ok, they are gone call me if you're free" This is the same friend who plans on spending the night on Monday and being there with us on Tuesday. Her issues run deep, and are not ones that I can focus on now NOR do I wish to deal with at the hospital on Tuesday. This makes me sound so selfish and that isn't the case--it's simply that her issues if they are present again could derail both her current situation and my own if her demons have resurfaced. I hate to feel this way, but I need to know exactly what she is struggling with so I can make and informed decision as to how to proceed now that it's not just Barney and I, but Rocky too. I will not allow any influences that could have ill effects on him--no matter how non-judgemental I am in regard to others.

Later, I will get the nightly call from "M" and we will chat, and I will roll my eyes as she tells me how miserable she is today. I will politely remind her that it's almost over...that Tuesday will be here before we know it, and to remember that we have her back. It's almost over...and then...I will really know what busy, busy, busy means...

As Days (or years) Go By...

2011-09-09T18:28:00.000-07:00

Two years ago on this very day I was in the ER with severe OHSS (ovarian hyper stimulation syndrome). I was 8 days post ovulation and knew that I wasn't pregnant, but very sick, and in a lot of pain. It sucked.

It's hard to believe how much time has gone by since we've actually plotted out a way to become pregnant. Yet in just a few short days we will be bringing home a hard fought for baby. It's crazy.

My "mommy leave" as I've begun to call it officially began at 3:30 this afternoon. I will return to the office on October the 3rd, more exhausted than I've ever been.

We're relishing this final weekend of coupledom with grandeur. Tomorrow Barney will finish putting the third and last layer of paint on Rocky's changing table and I'm going to have lunch with a girl friend and her 7 month old. I know, you're all jealous...you wish you could live the flashy life that I lead...it's just that glamorous.

On Sunday I will be going to church, and then we have a bar-b-que to attend.

Then Monday you're really going to be jealous...wait for it...I have to go get my hair cut (it's in dire need), and then I get to go to the attorney's office and drop off our original background clearances along with our home study, and then just because I am a glutton for punishment I will be sitting at the DMV getting my updated photo taken for my drivers license. Oh goodie, goodie...

I guess the saying is true...like sands through the hour glass, so are the days (or years) of our lives....

Fully Baked....

2011-09-08T18:20:00.000-07:00

We attended our final pre-natal appointment with our birth mother today. She is measuring 38+ and we are told that the baby should weight in at around 6-6 1/2 pounds. Despite our birth mothers pleas the doctor did not see the necessity of moving our c-section to Friday (yes tomorrow) so we are still a go for launch on Tuesday. While we don't have the official rise and shine time, she said more than likely that we will need to report to the hospital at 7:30 for a 9:30 c-section, but that it could be as late as a 9 a.m. arrival for an 11 a.m. c-section.

Before the doctor came in "M" said "When will your attorney give you the papers?" I was slightly confused "What papers are those?" She looked as if I had suddenly sprouted a unicorn horn "You know the ones we need to sign to give up the baby" I paused "Well, I already have them but you can't sign them for 72 hours after he is born" I was a bit taken aback that she would be so eager to sign them, but then I don't know how I would act if it were me in those shoes either...

I'm exhausted. Honestly and truly exhausted. I didn't sleep well last night in anticipation for this appointment and having to meet with the social worker to sign off on our home study put us home very late (ok late for people who are usually home from the office by 4:30 every day). I'm ready to crawl into a hot bath, and then crawl into my bed where I will curl up with Dino where I will hopefully dream about bringing home my sweet smelling baby boy!